The Caye-Yak

Those Who Wait on the Lord....

2012-01-11T09:42:00.001-08:00

So how many times have we read that verse from Isaiah 40:31? "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will rise up on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint". I mean really? How many times have we quoted it to each other? How many times have we prayed it? But still we may not feel our strength being renewed. Instead, we may feel weary, anxious, depressed, alone but we rarely feel a new kind of strength within us.

Do you ever hear things like this and wonder, "Well, then why don't I feel stronger"?

Sometimes with passages like this we have heard a million times I think we can start to pick and choose what we see or hear. We can make it out to be something it is not. It is the difference between two strange words: Isogesis and Exogesis. Isogesis is defined out of reading "into" the scripture. Exogesis is defined by reading "out of" the scripture. And what if there is treasure there to see if we dig a little deeper? We need to try to pull out the meaning and not read into it what we wish that it said.

This passage doesn't say we will all feel strong all the time. It doesn't say we will have renewed strength in every circumstance. It is not a free pass to ask God (like a genie in a bottle) to give us strength. It is a promise from him but it is conditional (as are many of his promises).

The passage actually says, "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength". The ASV changes the word wait to "hope in the Lord". Maybe we are overwhelmed because we want God's strength but we don't want to wait on his will? Maybe we desire his peace but we don't want to hope in him while remaining under tough circumstances. We will become drained when we are putting our hope in "things to change" and not in "hoping in the Lord".

It seems it is and may always be a pattern of God's will to keep me under difficult circumstances for long amounts of time. Maybe God knows I need the practice at putting my hope in him. I so quickly want to get out of a bad situation or ask God to miraculously fix it. But it is part of our sanctification to "remain under" our trials as they produce perseverance in us.

I was just doing the butterfly stroke this morning at swim practice. The coach told us we would focus on it today, which many of us thought meant he would talk and we wouldn't have to swim much. But instead, he kept sending us back and forth doing the same drills....over, and over and over until it was ingrained in us to do it without thinking. "Go again" he would say. We would come up panting, out of breath and begging for mercy. "Good job! Do it again," he repeated. By the end, I had little left to give but I knew I had the tools to improve my stroke. It was boring, it was not fun and I sometimes questioned what good it was doing. But it made me better!

Jesus is making us better! He wants to conform us to his own character and prepare us to stand before the Father "without fault and with great joy" (Jd. 1:24). How he accomplishes that is up to him but it may often mean teaching us to stay in circumstances we would rather that he remove. If we really want our strength renewed like the eagles than we must put our hope and full trust in Him daily.

And what a difference it makes friends! Try it. Go ahead, get in your Bibles and ask God to help you wait on him and hope in him alone. He will not dissappoint.

Esther was a real woman!

2011-10-10T10:18:00.001-07:00

We are his finishing touch and have a vital role to play. We offer our beauty and image of God to the world in different ways. It comes through our smile, through a loving touch, through words of encouragement and our ability to be vulnerable. These are all ways we leave a feminine fingerprint of God on the world every day. We offer life and fresh air to people around us and we add our 50% to the picture God gave us when he created man and woman both in his image. There are things unique about God that only women can show the world.

The truth is that we are women because God created us that way. That is what makes us a woman. It’s not about how we walk or talk or look. Esther was a woman through and through and she rose from an orphaned girl to a Queen by putting her worth and value in her God. She rescued the entire Jewish nation by doing something only a woman could have done.

What Makes Us Women?

2011-10-07T07:10:00.001-07:00

So did you know that Esther (named Hadassah) was an orphan? I mean I guess I knew that but I never really thought about all it implied. What would it have been like to grow up without a mother to teach you and comfort you and model for you feminine strength? What would it feel like to not have a father to joy in her beauty and teach her about her value as a girl. And what was it like to be raised by her older male cousin. Now there is something to chew on. We don't even know if her cousin Mordecai was married. We just know he raised her and she became an amazing woman of confident, humble, beauty that drew other people to her without demanding anything.
How many of us feel orphaned in this life? Maybe our mother wasn't all we needed her to be. Maybe she modeled more for us of what not to than anything. Maybe we struggle even today to know what a real woman truly is. What is beauty and what makes us feminine? We live in a world that demands a lot from a woman. We feel pressured to walk right and look right and fit into a very narrow box. However, God created us in his image. Woman wasn’t created last (in the order of creation) as an afterthought of God but as his crown of beauty. And when it was finished God said “it is good”. What magnificent words to let sink into our soul. In God’s eyes we are good!

We are his finishing touch and have a vital role to play. We offer our beauty and image of God to the world in different ways. It comes through our smile, through a loving touch, through words of encouragement and our ability to be vulnerable. These are all ways we leave a feminine fingerprint of God on the world every day. We offer life and fresh air to people around us and we add our 50% to the picture God gave us when he created man and woman both in his image. There are things unique about God that only women can show the world.

The truth is that we are women because God created us that way. That is what makes us a woman. It’s not about how we walk or talk or look. Esther was a woman through and through and she rose from an orphaned girl to a Queen by putting her worth and value in her God. She rescued the entire Jewish nation by doing something only a woman could have done.

Beauty of Esther

2011-10-03T08:24:00.001-07:00

So I have been leading a women's Bible study on Wednesday night at our church. I have so enjoyed going deeper into the amazing book of Esther. It is the only book in the Bible that doesn't mention the name of God. Yet his scarlet thread runs so deeply through it. I never thought about what it would have been like for her to be a Jewish orphan girl among all the harem of King Xerxes. Here is a girl who grew up with her uncle and never knew the love of a father or had a mother to teach her about beauty. Yet she enters 12 months of preparations to appear before this king and she manages to win the favor of everyone she came in contact with. It is so rare for someone to connect with leaders and dignitaries and still have the approval of the women she lived with. I bet she was pretty cool to be around. She finally gets her chance to impress the King and could have chose diamonds, gold, silver, fabrics and she only wears what was recommended by the leader of the harem. She was simple and not materialistic....yet she was well liked by the lowly and the popular. When the King sees her he is so impressed. She was humble and pure and lovely to him. Yet she was intelligent, wise with her words, and scripture says she won the King's favor over all the most beautiful women in the land. (Esther 2:17)

What is it really that makes a woman beautiful? Aren't we all searcing for it? What draws people to her and makes them want more?

In our culture today we are told that it is the perfect body, a lot of money and fame that makes a woman beautiful. Not so with Esther! All those who came in contact with her loved her and wanted to be in her inner circle. Yet she didn't demand or control those around her. She had a quiet confidence in her God and thus in herself. And whether people knew it our not it was the "beauty of the Lord" that they were drawn to. May we all aim to possess that kind of beauty. Psalm 90:17 "May the beauty of Lord rest upon us and establish the work of our hands".

Sharing the gospel as a substitute

2011-04-20T09:30:00.001-07:00

So I'm still so amazed how God has chosen to use Bill and my story to magnify himself. We have had so many people come up to us and tell us how they had talks with their kids about purity or how they shared it with someone else or how they want to remember us and use it in the future. So here is another story of his power when we offer up our stories and testimonies for his use.

Last week I was subbing atAlbion high school which is really just like an inner city school. I don't do it often but was feeling brave after spring break. The kids are very disrespectful and hard to manage but respond well when you appraoch them like a friend. Anyway, I had last period with 3 troubled kids who needed extra help because they were failing. Of course they told me that had no work so after awhile of them not listening and talking amongst themselves I decided to try to get to know them. They quickly began talking about how cool they were because they had slept around so much and how they did pot and didn't get caught ever. So I just told them about how Bill and I saved ourselves for each other and how we have so much trust for each other now. They asked me why I would do that and I told them that it was Gods plan he wrote in the Bible. "We often think his rules are to ruin our fun but they are there to bring ultimate happiness for us", I said. They asked about how I know the bible is true an how I know God is real. I quoted some scripture but started sharing the gospel. "We are all sinners and will some day stand before God and give an account for our life", I said. They started asking what "sin" was and how we can know we are going to heaven. It just so happened there was a Bible on the teachers desk and other Christian books. I opened it up and turned to 1 John 1:9. I told them about Christ and his sacrifice on the cross and how it will cover our sin if we ask him to live in our hearts. By now, the two girls were sitting on the desks in front of me telling me their stories and all the bad things they has done. "Will God forgive me for that too?", they asked. I told them that when Christ lives in our hearts God only sees Christ when he looks at you and that he will help you overcome your sin. The bell rang and I realized we had been talking for an hour. As they left one girl stayed back and said she wanted to accept Christ but needed to think about it. I told her to ask God to show himself to her and he will. He will always be there and she can ask him to live I. Her heart anytime day or night.

As I drove home I thought about how these kids didn't even know what sin was and God had used a simple thing like our story to point it out for them.

I pray for those kids...all tatooed and still looking for love in all the wrong places. I pray they would seek for God and find him to be a faithful, redeeming God who's promises fulfill us beyond our wildest imagination.

"those who have the Son have life" -John 5:24

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RIP Mousy

2011-04-20T06:05:00.001-07:00

So I wake up this morning to a sign on our white board that is a tombstone and says: “RIP Mousy”. I instantly look for the traps to find one missing. Then I think back to the night. Somewhere around 4:00 am Bill and I both wake up to a loud but short noise that sounded like the fire alarm or something. We lay there for a second and I said, “What was that?” and he said “I don’t know, it sounded like it was coming from inside the apartment”. We laid there waiting for the noise again and it never happened so we went back to sleep. This is the e.mail Bill sent me this morning with the subject line saying: “Requiem in Haiku”

A cry in the night

Triggered trap, broken mouse neck

Farewell, dear Mickey.

I found our little friend behind the coffee pot this morning.

I guess he liked cheese better than peanut butter, and preferred death to confinement.

I laid him to rest in the dumpster.

So keep an eye out, but I think the reign of terror is over.

Oh the adventures we are having together……….makes everyday interesting.

Here Mousy, Mousy!

2011-04-19T09:41:00.001-07:00

So a couple weeks ago I saw what I thought was a spider in the closet. I moved a shoe back and a mouse came running at me. Of course, I screamed and went running to the nearest couch where I promptly pulled my feet up so the mouse couldn’t bite my toes. I have an unhealthy fear of mice biting my feet…..I don’t know if there is a name for this disorder. My husband, Bill went dashing into the room but the mouse was gone by then. My sweet Bill didn’t want to kill the little guy so we went to the hardware store and got a trap used to trap a mouse alive and then you could set it free later. Bill put peanut butter in the traps but the mousy never showed up. A couple of days later we saw the mouse running from the kitchen into the bedroom and I start hyperventilating on the couch again with my feet pulled up. (Keep in mind that every time I’m in the kitchen I’m wearing heavy duty shoes….even if I’m in my PJ’s……I just have to protect the toes). So this time Bill goes into the bedroom with a garbage can. He closes the door and I hear him talking. Not sure what he is saying, I sneak up to overhear. This is the conversation: “Hello little mouse. I really like you and want to keep you alive. So if you will let me catch you I will play nice. But if you don’t come to me my wife is going to be scared and I will have to kill you.” The conversation goes on for awhile till Bill traps the thing behind the door and gives me a large bin to hold in case he runs out of the room. Of course, I’m thinking that if this thing comes running at me I’m just throwing it back into the room…….which is exactly what I did when I saw the black critter dashing toward me into my clear bin I was protecting myself with.

All that to say, we have laid out snap traps now and still no luck. I have made many more sightings and even hopped up onto the kitchen counter while making the morning coffee. Yesterday at breakfast the mouse ran toward me and I scared him back. Then he came back again and I made a thumping noise to scare him and he didn’t move. He just looked right at me with his little beady eyes and I promise I could hear him saying, “you can’t catch me”.

The other day we saw him on the counter top which was the last straw……We recently called the apartment office and they are sending a company to try to kill them. Poor little mousy. We are sorry but I can’t live captive in my own home anymore.

Our Wedding Slide Show

2011-03-31T15:30:00.001-07:00

The Story of Us!.pdf Download this file

This is a PDF version of our Wedding Slideshow. It’s not your typical show but it is our God Story so if you weren’t able to be there I hope you enjoy.

Pure Michigan!

2011-03-25T07:15:00.001-07:00

So sorry to those who have followed my post’s. Life got real crazy for awhile and in addition my technology changed making it difficult to post like I usually did. Anyway, to all you faithful friends who have been wondering…..I do intend to keep blogging. I know that that journey has just begun and I so enjoy writing. So there is so much to update you on that I feel like I shouldn’t try…..maybe we should just start from today and hope that somehow you will catch up. There are many preliminary photos you can see of the wedding at: https://picasaweb.google.com/Cayeser1/Wedding#

Can’t wait to share the professional ones after they arrive. Well, all our thank you notes are almost done…..we wrote over 400 total and I’m sure we missed someone in there so if it’s you please just know we are very blessed and grateful. I’ve been loving being a wife. Cooking with all our new pans and appliances is so fun. Bill is really the one gifted at flavors and great food but I seem to be the one motivated to cook through the week. On the weekends I look forward to his omelet’s and creations he loves to make me. I have been substitute teaching all over Calhoun county. Last week I spend 4 days in 2 kindergarten rooms and this week I taught High School mostly. I’ve been struggling with my health a bit. I’m prone to a bad cough when it gets cold and every germ I pick up seems to multiply into a cold. I feel like I’ve been congested for a month and am thinking it may be time for my first Dr. visit.

I have joined the Battle Creek Masters swim team for months now and love the friends and intense workouts there. Our team is one of the largest in the state and next month we travel to Grand Rapids to compete in the Master’s state meet. I’ve never competed like this before but am so excited. Bill is going with me for the weekend as I take on 7 events plus a few relays in 2 days. I’m going to try my hand at sprinting the freestyle and butterfly mostly. I think over time I could be good at it. I also started our teams facebook page which your welcome to visit by searching for “Battle Creek Masters”.

I’ve also been playing guitar with the worship team at West Eckford Missionary Church. The piano player needed a month off and they asked me if I could fill in. I’ve really enjoyed it so far and the drive out there through the country fields is beautiful.

The snow is melting here and the birds are starting to sing. We are shopping for a nice hybrid bike for Bill as we want to spend the summer months out doors as much as we can. We also are looking forward to camping and sightseeing in this beautiful state.

Married life is wonderful…….filled with new adventures and new glimpses at the image of God. Loving and being loved makes you feel like that’s what life is really about. It also redefines you as your role changes and your aspirations are awakened to new things.

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

Still in His Grip,

Caye VanZandt

cayeser@hotmail.com

changes

2010-11-01T16:27:00.001-07:00

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Romanian love!

2010-10-05T01:39:00.001-07:00

What a great trip this has been to Romania. A team of 4 women trained 35-40 women leaders for three days. They included pastor’s wives, children’s ministry leaders, young rising leaders and even women seeking to start their own women’s ministries and bible studies. We trained on sharing your faith story as evangelism, inductive bible study, conflict management and the leader’s self care. The women were very responsive and I knew most of them from past trips. At one point before my teaching I was waiting in the back of the room and through the window the sun was setting over a beautiful Romanian garden outside the church. I felt the Lord reminding me of the great privilege to be on the other side of the world sharing God’s truth. They were so excited about my news of engagement and even sang me a special wedding song at the end of the conference (their deep love for me led me to tears). It’s always so hard to say goodbye to these wonderful people. They are so generous, hospitable and hungry to grow as believers. Thank you for your prayers. The 10 hour time change is always difficult but I have remained very healthy since I left and am so grateful for God’s strength.

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Romania Preparations

2010-09-24T15:20:00.001-07:00

Wow! This has been such an amazing season of watching God provide for my every need. I am currently living with a very loving family who have opened wide their lives to me and blessed me in so many ways. I will stay with them until I move to Michigan to join my fiancée on October 17^th. I will live Bill’s parents for the 3 months remaining before our wedding and I’m very excited about getting to know his family and friends.

As I wrap up ministry here I’ve been reflective on all that God has taught me by serving him as a missionary. It has been a season I will never forget. And through it God has also etched the people of Romania upon my heart forever. I will forever have their families, lifestyles, faith and great need in my prayers. I get to return again this Monday (flight leaves at 7:25 pm) with a team of 5. My trip is Sept. 27-October 10. We will be doing a weekend training retreat for women leaders in Arad. I will be opening the weekend with a lesson on sharing your faith and public speaking. I can’t wait to see the women I’ve come to love and pray for on the other end of the world. These women strive to make ends meet but still have an unshakable faith in the “Hope Giver”. Please pray for my health. I’m a little paranoid about the travel this time since I was sick on my last trip so much. I need to sleep on the plane well and I need this inner ear infection to be better in just 3 days (the Dr. put me on a nasal steroid that is helping). These trips take a toll on the body and mine isn’t getting any younger. I will be staying apart from the team with my host family from this summer. I will also be remaining 2 extra days to connect with past relationships after the team leaves…..so pray for the long leg home. It’s a 4 hour car ride to Budapest, a flight to London and then a 9 hour flight back to the U.S. where we are 7 hours behind Romanian time. I am so grateful to have you all on my adventures with me….your prayers mean so much. When I return from Romania I only have to wait one week for my fiancée to retrieve me back to Michigan so I’m totally stoked about that.

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The end of a Season

2010-09-15T13:56:00.001-07:00

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The End of a Season!.pdf (326 KB)

Thanks for your prayers and support on this great adventure. This PDF will explain the details and changes of my life right now…..

We have a website to learn more about our wedding. We hope you can reserve the date to join us! We’d love to have you there!

www.mywedding.com/billandcaye/

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18 days till I return to Romania

2010-09-08T11:20:00.001-07:00

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I'm engaged!

2010-08-23T15:28:00.001-07:00

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Here is my recent newsletters with lots of juicy new information about life and ministry! Enjoy and God bless!

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Romania Trip Newsletter

2010-07-28T14:54:00.001-07:00

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Thanks for all your support!

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One life at a time

2010-07-22T12:31:00.001-07:00

So proud of my girl Kristina. I think it’s my life’s honor to be a part of girl’s lives who go on to impact the Kingdom.

“The world has yet to see what God can do with one life wholly surrendered to him”

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Romanian bathroom

2010-07-20T14:59:00.001-07:00

Oh the joys of village life!

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Reflections on Romania

2010-07-19T15:11:00.001-07:00

It was so hard to say good bye to all my new Romanian friends and family. As I made my way down the stairs of the 8 story block building I lived in, I was accompanied by a band of family that wanted to send me off with hugs. Tears flowed as we said good bye and the incredible gratitude in my heart for the hospitality was inevitably overflowing. I just am blown away at how these friends cared for me when I was sick, provided for my needs, fed me, housed me and prayed with me for the ministry God had there. They are and forever will be a part of my heart and prayers.

This was the best mission trip I have ever had. I was able to see things and do things you just can’t do with a team of Americans traveling around. I ministered to mental hospitals, Gypsies, orphans, abandoned babies, children, teens and women. The need and opportunity there is endless and I am forever marked by my experience. The main reason for this trip was to live in the country and observe and learn what it was like to be a Christian woman in an Eastern European culture.

As we are currently developing some ground-breaking vision here for training women regionally, it has already proven helpful to know and feel the heart of an average woman in ministry there. We recently heard a quote that said, “Teach a man and you teach a man but teach a woman and you teach a village”. That is not to be critical of men at all because there are many men doing incredible works for God. But God also wired women to pass on what they learn to a community…to share it!

There was one Christian woman there that is a great picture to me. She works 40 hour weeks to help pay for her family’s bills. Their family makes an average of $400 a month. The taxes there are 24% on everything including food, and that is in addition to income taxes. It’s impossible to get ahead and hard to even have hope for easier days. This Christian woman comes home from long days to take care of 2 vibrant children, clean her home and cook the food. She has 2 full time jobs (work and home) and is expected to still be the traditional mom, wife and even daughter. There is not a mindset that women can take time for themselves or breaks or even go shopping alone. She is always working, always striving and always praying that God would meet their needs. She serves in the church choir where the children are expected to sit next to her for the 3 hour service. She has a ministry heart but wonders how she will ever have time to become equipped for such a task. She feels insecure about her scriptural knowledge or ministry experience. She asks questions like, “Can I really lead a women’s group?” and “Am I worthy enough to do big things for God?” or “Who will teach me or help me to get there?”.

Well we at Greater Reach have a heart for that woman. A woman who wears many hats but still wants to change the world for Christ. We want to help answer her questions and equip her with resources. And I’m so excited to be a part of the process.

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Untitled

2010-07-16T12:15:00.001-07:00

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The children of the village people

2010-07-05T01:47:00.001-07:00

What an incredible trip this has been. I can hardly believe it is coming to an end and I will be flying the coop this Thursday morning. I have been praising God for his favor here to do more than I could ever have imagined. More children accepted Christ this weekend in the village of Agreesh. We spent the entire day out there first with the children and then with a group of teenagers. They have never heard a message on dating as teens and it was cool to share God’s perspective on it. We then hiked to a beautiful forest which was by far one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. We played games and got to know each other. I will be having another marathon day with them this Wednesday in a closer village where they are having a retreat. Please pray for my health as I’m worn down a bit and will have a 12 hour day right before I leave the country. Hopefully it will prepare me to sleep well on the plane ride because I desire to spend my last days here well.

Above are some of the pictures from the area villages and also a picture of me getting held up at the border of Nadlac.

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My Trip to Hungary

2010-07-01T14:22:00.001-07:00

So the tax rate has increased this week in Romania from 19-24% and I was asking what the family will do to save money on food and stuff. They said Hungary was only 30 minutes from here and that they were going to make a trip. I was thinking of picking up supplies for tomorrow’s VBS so I thought I’d tag along. The prices are much, much lower in Hungary and you see people crossing the borders with cars packed to the brim with groceries. Some of them are taking them back to sell at the market and make profit. Going into Hungary today was no problem. But it was very hot and traffic very packed on the narrow country roads. We sat in the heat at times with the doors open letting a breeze come through the car as we were bumper to bumper. When we got to the store it was cool and cozy and we decided to kill time and let the sun go down a bit before heading back. We had a blast in the store. The Hungarians don’t speak English so it was fun to see my good friend and Romanian mentor Adina being a foreigner with me as we tried to figure out the conversion rate of our currency and stuff.

On the way back we got asked to pull over at the border of re-entry into Romania. They took my passport and the title to the car and we sat there for AN HOUR AND A HALF. It was a little frightening at times not knowing why were being held there. We thought at one point that they may be looking for a bribe as car after car seemed to be waved through. We were praying and then often silent sitting there and at one point I remembered that I have been memorizing Psalm 139. I asked if my friend wanted to hear it…..she said yes. So I spoke God’s word out loud and felt comfort and power from the words……”you know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar….you hem me in behind and before, you have laid your hand upon me”……We had no Bible there except the words in our heads. She began saying the Lord’s prayer in Romanian and then I started quoting a few more passages. At some point soon after that an officer came up and we found out that the computer had broken that they use to stamp the passports so they had driven my passport back to the Hungarian border for a stamp. WELCOME TO ROMANIA. As we eventually drove off I realized that our faith had grown from that experience. I also saw how important it is to know God’s word in moments of crisis or fear. When you have no other thoughts or comforts it is great to speak God’s words out loud.

On our way home we saw a woman who looked like she had been beaten up standing on the corner of the road. She may have been a prostitute but we offered her help and she tried to hide. We kept driving and saw a beggar on the ground near dumpsters looking for food. At the same time we almost got hit by another car pushing through a round about. We made a stop near by at a friends to pick something up and had to drive down a deserted, dirt road filled with old tires and huge ditch like potholes in the ground……..My senses were on overload as I took in so many disturbing sights and sounds one after another…….it’s such a different life. Romanians have so much pride in their culture, their foods and their families. But it’s hard to be here and hope that things will get better for them. The government is still so corrupt and the economy is nearly impossible to get by with. The only hope is found in Christ and the hope of a future from him and the simple blessings he gives in the everyday.

Domnu Cutina

God bless you……

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The Village People!

2010-06-30T06:06:00.001-07:00

Allen is the young man from the orphanage (Onesimus) who journeyed with me to the village of Variosh. He was sent to help me translate and travel. He and I connected as he shared his story of growing up an orphan on the streets and getting involved with Gypsy’s to steal for money. He accepted Christ 3 weeks ago and is trying to turn his life around…..I think it was Allen’s first time serving the Lord and it brought me joy to see him giving so much effort toward the children of Variosh. We spent 2 days with these children sharing Bible stories they had never heard before, playing games, laughing a lot and sharing the gospel of Christ. A few accepted Christ at the end and it was hard to say good bye to all their joyful faces. A handful of gypsy kids even heard the laughter and came in to join us. There is no children’s Sunday school in most villages, no Bible stories for the children but I could tell the church and parents were grateful. You will see some other random pictures….the singing group is Lorentiu and his beautiful wife’s ministry. Most pastors here travel to 3 churches on Sundays it’s hard work and long days but you can tell they have a call to do it as they push through their exhaustion putting on services for Christians who would other wise not have a place to worship.

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A long Sunday

2010-06-27T12:38:00.001-07:00

Wow, what an incredible Sunday. Spent the weekend in a village called Variosh. I will blog about that when I’m not exhausted. Today was my second Sunday with Lorentiu’s “clan”. I say clan because a herd of orphan boys and believers seem to go with him everywhere he goes. His charismatic personality seeming to lift the spirit’s of all those he touches and his fatherly touch on the boys makes them look at him like a father…..and someone who understands. I’m really in awe of this Romanian’s ministry here in Timasoara. He has taken care of me and set up some much ministry but I have most enjoyed peering into the way he touches lives and spending time with the boys of the Onesimus house. We started the day at 8:30 am. First service I sang and shared my story and testimony. I shared the harder version because all of the orphan boys I’ve been getting to know had come to hear my story. It was great to peer into their attentive eyes as I spoke and to know that they would relate to much of my story. It was also nice that I knew them and had spent the week trying to express love for them in whatever ways I could find. I did feel God’s presence as I spoke and didn’t seem to notice the translation barrier. Afterwards the boys came up to me and opened up more than they had all week. all of them wanting to tell me how their story was like mine…..i couldn’t believe the things I heard from them. I truly wish I could support each of them……

We all went back and had the weekly lunch after church where 50 people show up to eat with the boys on Sunday. It felt like family and they try to resemble that since the guys didn’t get that when they were younger. Then we rushed off to a village (who knows where we were an hour later)….bumpy roads and open land……the orphan next to me wanting me to teach him guitar lessons while I’m bumping along. Another service where I felt half asleep but shared my story again and sang “light of the world”……thx John for the chords. Then a quick strange sandwich thing and a ride where I feared for my life……the swerving and combination of the weird sandwich and hot van air creating a very sick feeling in my stomach. We then arrive back at 6pm in time for the 3^rd service of the day…..i was able to play “Your name” and encourage the church from 2 Chron. 7:14…..the church is so fervent in prayer you can almost reach out and touch the Spirit’s presence in their midst…..then I sang “Our God is an awesome God” in Romanian…..I’ve never heard Romanians clap in church before but they actually clapped when I finished…….they are so touched when you learn to speak “Romanechte” ……then back to Onesimus for a quick dinner and talked with boys for another hour…….one boy walked me to a cab and I’m finally home about to fall into bed………what a great day.

“But even if I’m poured out as a sacrifice of your salvation…I rejoice” (somewhere in Philippians)

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Living in the village!

2010-06-24T13:48:00.001-07:00

I don’t know what it is about this trip but I feel God’s favor like I never have before. I spent Sunday visiting village church’s with Lorentiu and ended up randomly sitting by a lady who spoke English. Turns out it was Mother’s day here and many women seemed sad to not have the families near. I told this lady I would be her stand in daughter since I kind of missed my mom. I guess I connected with her because she has invited me back to the village to stay a couple of nights and Lorentiu has set up some children’s ministry there. On top of that I spent the day with 2 of the orphan boys from Onesimus house. I really enjoyed them as they drove me to a state orphanage where there were 90 children housed. They both helped me run games and translated the gospel. I think it was special for these college aged guys to give back to kids living just like they had. The looks on these little kids faces was priceless…bringing them joy in the name of Christ was such an honor and I think all 3 of us felt it overflowing. These two guys are my new favorites and I’ve had many teachable moments with them this week talking about girls and dating and how God wants them to live their lives. They both seem very genuine in wanting to grow into strong Christian men. Tomorrow Lorentiu invited one of them to come with me to translate for the children this weekend. I don’t really understand why they are so excited to drive me everywhere and talk with me and even help me do the Lord’s work. I think it is considered their chore for the week but it seems like this is the job all the boys want in the house. This day comes in good timing because I spent the morning praying for some connection with the orphan boys b/c I didn’t feel like I was breaking through very well. And now not only have we connected but they are excited to help me do more ministry.

Tonight all 3 of us walked through Timisoara. They showed me a beautiful rose garden chock full of beautiful flowers and smells and trellis’. We walked through the town square and I bought them drinks at McD’s (which is the cool place to be of all things)……It was a night filled with blessing.

Please pray for this weekend with the children. I had no idea I would be doing so much children’s ministry or I would have come more prepared. Can you imagine children’s ministry without any crafts or candy or props? Well, it’s how they do it here every week…..so I’m trying to remember all my children’s songs and stories and games from scratch. I have no idea what the housing situation is and I will probably be out of communication a couple of days….so keep those prayers coming.

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The Elderly and Orphans

2010-06-24T02:12:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends,
Thanks to all of you reading my blogs. It's been quite an adventure. Two nights ago a storm came that brought with it hail and flash floods. It took 2 hours to get home that night. The streets were so flooded that cars were getting stuck...so we traveled on foot at night over bridges and through streets and I couldn't see if each step had a footing. I was quoting that verse that God's word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path and it had all new meaning.

I've been spending this week with my home base at a home for orphaned college aged boys. It's been a little hard to break through with some but slowly they are opening up. I just spent the morning playing a form of soccer tennis. The boys seemed to have fun watching me figure it out. At the end I felt like an old lady and asked them how old they thought I was and they guessed 22. I laughed and told them I was 32. I'm also glad they now know I'm too old to be their girlfriend and besides I'm already taken:)

Last night I ate dinner with a boy who was abandoned as a baby in the hospital. He grew up in foster homes and landed here 1 year ago where he accepted Christ into his heart and said God is giving him a new start. This home helps the boys learn responsibility and makes them save 20% of their income so they can get on their feet in a year or two. The average people here only make $8 a day and the cost of living is still high for that pay rate. It's every boys dream here to go to America to find work and a better life.

Yesterday we visited elderly with a program Onesimus does to bring 30 elderly people a meal a day. I was astonished by the sights and smells I saw. Forgotten people in run down rooms, laying there dying and often only eating what is brought to them that day. One lady we visited looked like she weighed 70 pounds...she could barely sit up. Supposedly she went to the hospital completely healthy and left with a disease they can not diagnose. I could tell this lady did not have much time left. One thing all the Romanians agree on is that the health care here is horrible. The hospitals are like visiting a war time hospital camp and all the good doctors leave the country for better work. I just knew that this lady would have better care that may prevent her own death but it would not be available for her. When we left Anca asked me how old i thought she was. I thought maybe in her 80's. Anca said, she was only 50 years old....I was shocked.

I got to pray with another lady who looked like her arm was broken. She got up and almost fell over. She was weeping because her daughter had to be taken to hospital because she couldn't take care of her handicapped needs. It was sad to sit there and watch her cry and feel the sense of hopelessness around her. She seemed grateful to meet me and was shocked that I had come from America.

All in all, it's very good here. I'm at that point of missing a little familiarity. But i also feel more comfortable in this culture and really am learning a lot about even my own life and desires.

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Timisoara

2010-06-21T03:27:00.001-07:00

What a great trip this is turning out to be. I don't think I've ever had a trip more full of visible ministry. So many opportunities to serve and impact people. Today I have given 2 trumpet lessons and one guitar to some of the orphan kids here at Onesimus in Timisoara. Tonite I will have 2 hours to teach a group of children from the church of the Pastor I'm working with this week. Yesterday was very full. I spoke in 3 services and traveled an hour between. Played my guitar and sang, and also led the children to perform "I have joy like a fountain" in front of the church with the motions and all. They caught on so quickly I was proud. Arrived home exhuasted around 9:30 pm and thanked the Lord for all the people I had met in that day. It will be a busy week here with Lorentiu...he has such a heart for the needs of the people and his phone never stops ringing....I am grateful for all the efforts he is putting in to introduce me to people. He was an orphan growing up and now God is using him in the lives of the orphans here.....he has a youth pastor kind of personality which works well for me. If it wasn't for the language I would say I fit right i n here. May the Lord continue to bless his work around the world.

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8 kids accepted Christ

2010-06-19T06:00:00.001-07:00

Today I got to share the lesson for a VBS with about 30 kids in Fontenella. I spoke about the 10 plagues and ended with how Jesus is the Passover. Gave a short gospel presentation and was delight that around 8 kids raised their hands to accept Christ. It was simple and pure and genuine and the best part of my day. Thanks for all your prayers and praise God for new little believers.

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Timisoara here I come!

2010-06-18T11:26:00.001-07:00

Today and tomorrow are draining days. We are doing a VBS in a village called Fontenella. Today and tomorrow from 9-3pm we are with all the little Romanian rugrats. It’s been fun so far. Tomorrow I’m teaching them about the 10 plagues and how Jesus is our Passover. Praying kids see the need to except Christ as their Savior. After that I will be speaking at a women’s event here in town. The topic is hope and I’m hoping the power of God’s spirit will encourage and lift up women in a very destitute place. I keep thinking of that verse where Peter says, “silver and gold I have none, but in the name of Jesus get up and walk”. I have so little to offer the vast needs of this country but I do possess the God who can cause people to “get up and walk”.

After the long day tomorrow I will be traveling in the night to Timisoara where I will spend a week working with an amazing guy named Lorentiu. He was an orphan and grew up to minister to other orphans. He doesn’t speak English but in the past I have felt like we have similar hearts. He will be taking me around all week to orphanages and church’s where I will be teaching English, some guitar and just hanging out with mainly teenaged orphans in the area. Please pray for courage as I have become very comfortable in the last 2 weeks with my host family and this area. And now I get to figure it all out again…….what an adventure.

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Gypsy's and Abandoned Babies

2010-06-17T04:12:00.001-07:00

I wanted to write a little about a couple ministry experiences I’ve had. Sunday was quite a day as I went to Romanian church in the morning and was treated to a fancy lunch. Then I went to Venga (a gypsy village) where I was asked to speak at their afternoon service. I asked them how many had ever heard the story of the Samaritan woman and only 1 raised their hand. How powerful to tell the story of Jesus reaching out to a socially unaccepted woman. I really felt the Spirit speaking through me and the people seemed very attentive. I had a bucket there to ask the question of what they were putting their faith in….is it their own ability or in the living water? Afterwards we drove up and down the dirt roads talking to families and trying to get kids to come to a camp.

Yesterday was a great day too. I was able to go to a local hospital and hold and care for abandoned babies. I guess they are often abandoned and the hospital puts them in a back room where they just lay there all day with no one to hold them. One little guy Joseph was 4 months old and still the size of a newborn. He couldn’t even hold his head up because he is never sat in that position. As I stoked his face and tiny head his little body got shivers every time like he hadn’t been lovingly touched in a long time. It was a little hard to sit there and think that Joseph didn’t belong to anyone and no one in the world cared about him. Adina has this ministry where she goes in a couple times a week and bathes them, lotions them and changes their diapers. It’s a small difference but she dreams of big things in the future. May God bless the work of her hands. I’m so grateful for the way she has included me in much of what she does for the Lord here. She has little resources but is changing the world!

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My Father Died Tonite

2010-06-15T23:18:00.001-07:00

My earthly father passed away yesterday. I am entrusting him into the hands of the Master and thankful he is out of pain…believing he is standing with Jesus on his own two legs. Choosing to put my faith in Jesus-The Hope of Glory who can forgive a multitude of sin. “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy….to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our LORD, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Jude 1:24).

I have actually felt like this is God’s perfect timing. It has been obvious that God has wanted me here in Romania during this time. I’ve had the opportunity to tell my testimony 3 times already and this is all part of it. God has brought me full restoration and healing and when I think about my father and the past there is no pain. Kind of like it has been erased and released for God to use through me as he wishes. I can’t really explain it except to say that I have peace and it’s found in the Peace Maker.

Thanks for your prayers as it is a loss but also the end of a very long journey.

Signing off for now,

Cayetana the daughter of Juan Siller

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Gypsy Squatter Camp

2010-06-14T10:39:00.001-07:00

So this was quite an experience. Friday we went to the dump where Gypsy’s have built shacks on the land. We brought oranges and you would have thought it was gold. Not all Gypsy’s live like this but it was sad to see.

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Health, Dad

2010-06-14T07:18:00.001-07:00

Many have asked for an update on my father. He was put into ICU on life support 4 days ago and last I heard he was improving but still on life support. My heart and focus has not been swayed by this news but I am praying for this extra time to allow his heart a chance to soften and for God to send him some messengers to give him opportunity to confess his sin and accept his Savior.

I haven’t been as good at blogging the last few days but my health is improving and with it my energy and ambition level. The strep throat is definitely gone but it spread to my lungs and I could tell this morning that I’m still fighting the infection there. Cough persists and it sometimes is worse than others. I’ve decided not to complain about the heat but stating a fact I would say the heat here is record breaking, which makes it hard to sleep at night. It wouldn’t be unbearable but the fan makes the cough worse so that is the update on my health right now. I’ve been carrying on as normal this week though and enjoying the ministry God had prepared for me.

Yesterday I went with Daniela to her church called Golgotha church. She took me to the Continental Hotel for lunch (fanciest restaurant around) and then dropped me off at the apartment where I changed and quickly was picked up by another missionary named Jackie. We traveled an hour to Venga where I saw the opposite extreme of poverty and was fed dinner by a Gypsy couple that were so sweet. I was later told that no one usually eats there because you can easily get sick but I was hungry and grateful and Jackie said it “should be fine”. Lol. You could continue to pray for protection from food and traffic. It seems we daily have a very close call in the vehicles that takes my breath away and reminds me of the angels protections. I had my arm out the window the other day and Adina reminded me that people get very close and not to stick my arm out the window. It’s like riding on the rollercoasters or somethingJ.

More to come….gotta go meet with the ARC women.

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Teaching in Phoenix for Women's Tea

2010-06-14T06:06:00.001-07:00

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Survived Romanian Church

2010-06-06T05:39:00.001-07:00

What a morning. Went to church to see a special guy who is a gypsy lead worship. They had English headphones for translation. What they didn’t have was air conditioning. There had to be hundreds of people crammed into this small worship center. The heat was radiating from all of our bodies and you can imagine the smells. As I stood there trying not to touch my sticky arms to the people next to me I thought about the simple comforts we take for granted. These people were just happy to be there…none of them got up and left because of the heat or were complaining to the leadership. They weren’t thinking people were standing too close to them. They were there to worship. I was not feeling well and felt sick for awhile but was glad God had brought me to this place and knew he would show me things about himself and others by experiences like this. So it’s Sunday morning for all of you Americans as I write this. Make sure you go to church today and thank God for your little comfortable pews and the A/C that keeps you from being distracted. Make sure you thank God for the privilege of living in simple blessings.

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Not feeling great!

2010-06-05T22:35:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been having some trouble adjusting to the time zone changes here. Seems like the old body doesn’t bounce back like it used to…the journey just getting here was hard. I haven’t been able to get a full night sleep since I arrived and yesterday and today have been feeling like I’m coming down with something. I’m exhausted, sore throat, stuffy nose and that tends to come with a little overall discouragement to my spirit. I know it’s the middle of the night in the states but please pray that my internal time clock could figure this all out and that I don’t get sick in the process. Thanks!

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Crazy Story!

2010-06-04T21:22:00.001-07:00

So as some of you know there was a crying baby that ended up in the seat next to me on my flight across the ocean. Turns out that this cute little one belonged to a couple who had come to the states trying for a better life and was returning after 3 years to visit family and friends. Now what are the odds that this one couple was going to the same place that I was? Or that they lived around the block from my host family? Well in God’s scheme of things it’s not bad odds at all. We traveled to Munich together and then hopped on the small jet to Timasuara after a 3 hour layover. I didn’t sleep at all on the plane and felt a little sick in Munich…..also this airport didn’t have A/C and I was sweaty and shall we say a little smelly. When we crammed onto the little plane you could tell everyone felt ready to be to their final destination. We all smelled too so I fit right in. In Timasuara we realized this Romanian family was going to have to wait 2 hours to get a ride back to a ride so my host family offered to try to fit all of us in their vehicle. I was so impressed at how they didn’t think twice to offer help to someone. This culture helps each other out so much more…..like it’s not even an inconvenience to them. They know their neighbors and look out for each other and live life so much closer together. I often wonder if they are richer than we are.

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I have Arrived!

2010-06-04T12:05:00.001-07:00

What a crazy long couple of days. So many stories already but I’m too tired to share them right now. I have finally arrived in Arad, Romania and I’m so excited for all that God has in store. There is something about the beauty of this place……found in simple things. As I walked into the home of my beautiful host family it smelled and looked and felt just like Christmas. A warm meal on the table and lot’s of smiles and nods by those who don’t share the same language. We even made fresh doughnuts for dessert. I was stinky and in need of some serious R and R. We sat around and visited for an hour or so and then I was shown my room…..it’s great. A comfy bed, a cool breeze and I even have internet connection. Taking a shower felt better than it ever has…...I had a 3 hour layover in Munich where the A/C was not working….everyone was sweaty and I truly felt at the end of the world as I entered my final plane. It was a small jet and the seats looked like they were designed for tiny little Romanians…..I was so tired I felt sick and was so grateful when I woke up an hour and a half later hearing the words, “welcome to Timasuara”……not only had I arrived but God had granted me just enough rest to get me through the final drive to the city of Arad and to interact and be myself with my new friends and Christian family. The Romanian sky was rainy and cool and so refreshing. Both my bags were the first off the belt and once again I was feeling God’s favor. My first sounds to the outside world were that of morning doves saying hello. I hope to post pictures tomorrow of my arrival….that is if I can get the power adapter to charge up my laptop…….for now I’m excited for some sleep on a flat surface. Thanks for all your prayers in getting me here! Signing off………..

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Romania Here I Come

2010-06-02T22:59:00.001-07:00

Pray for my journey:
Depart from Phoenix 1:40; depart from Chicago 8:50 pm; depart from Munich, Germany 3pm (June 4th by then);

Arrive in Romania at 5:20 pm (which will be 7:20 am in Phx)

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Getting Ready to Fly the Coop!

2010-06-02T09:28:00.001-07:00

The joy is rising in my heart as I prepare to leave for Romania tomorrow on a mission trip. I never realized how much someone has to do when they leave for a longer trip. Sometimes I find myself getting a little overwhelmed or hearing the voice of the enemy saying, “What the heck are you doing?”. But taking a longer trip like this has been a dream of mine since college. Relationships are what God has called me to and there is so much depth built in a relationship when you have spent more time together. I’m praying for those special women God will have me interact with. I pray I could inspire them to use their lives and spiritual gifts to further impact the Kingdom. It’s exciting for me to know I will not be around Americans. I will be living, visiting and ministering right along side of Romanian nationals. This means that all the ministry goes directly into the culture and the people. I will get to know Romanians so much closer because I will not have English speaking Americans to run to. I devoted Monday this week to praying for this trip and for God to pave the way before I go. It’s comforting to know that he goes before me like a “lamp unto my feet” and that he already knows all the little bumps I will run into….and his grace is waiting there for me. May you be resting in his future and present grace too! I hope to update FB and my blog often so come on the journey with me!

`The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Dt.31:8)

I chased the wind, but i chased in vain,

I chased the earth, but it would not sustain

There's only one, Who never fails to beckon the morning light

There's only one who sets loose the gales and ties the trees down tight

When all around my soul gives way

He then is all my hope and stay

there's only one, only one…Holy one

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test

2010-06-02T09:21:00.001-07:00

I can’t get posterous to post to my blog. Ahhhh

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Ministry Update

2010-04-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

Hey there friends,
Hope you had a great Resurrection Sunday. He is Risen Indeed!

I wanted to send this out and let everyone know how it's going here on the home front. As many of you know April 6th will be my one year mark of taking this journey of faith. It's amazing how different life can be in one year. I think I've seen some of my lowest lows and highest highs in this year and God has been faithful through it all.

I have spent this year serving in a lot of different places to build relationships and establish a history here among this community of believers. This includes things like a large commitment in the music program at SBC and helping with a few home groups. I also have been taking Seminary classes and praying for God to open doors in ministry. Well, the flood gates have swung open and I have started my first 8 week class on Identity in Christ. I also am preparing for a couple other amazing speaking opportunities and it feels like much of what I dreamed of could be moving forward.

However, the next 2 months I will need to remain faithful to the serving opportunities I've committed to and also juggle the increase of ministry that is taking off. I will be out every night of the week for the next 2 months. With ministry, Seminary and keeping up on life it will require much discipline, prioritizing and a lot of Jesus. I would really appreciate your prayers over these next weeks that I could finish this season well and have enough time and passion left to prepare for the doors God is opening.

I will be traveling to Romania for 5 weeks from June 3-July 8th to serve with national Romanian leaders doing ministry to women and teens. I will also get to teach the 8 week course again there in smaller sessions. I will need support for these trips and am already looking forward to watching God's creative provisions for my needs. Thanks for following my journey.....and supporting the Lord's work. I'm grateful and indebted to you all.

New Book is Out!

2010-03-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

Check out our new book! This is the material I've been re-writing to teach to young women. The concepts on our identity in Christ has changed me from the inside out! Please consider purchasing one for you or a friend. All proceeds will go to further the impact of Greater Reach Ministries. Learn more about the book by visiting:
http://greaterreach.com/partner/books

Surrendered to the Creator!

2010-03-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

The rain is coming down hard outside my office window. As the tree branches blow sideways and the rain forms large puddles that try to drain into the desert, I sit here and wonder how anyone could not believe there is a God. It seems that everywhere I look I see his finger prints. The wind in my face and the rain slapping my skin seem to shake my senses into a loud reminder of his ever present prodding of my heart. He speaks to me in the skies above my head and in the rocks below my feet that alone seem to cry out his praises. And they would, even if no single earthly person ever did...they would because they are his creation and obedient to their Maker.
Creation screams the glory of God and one day earth and heaven will be one. One day we will stand before our Maker and give an account for the life we lived, how we offered him our time, our conversations, our finances, our fears. And how we pressed on in life past the pain to continue to love and be loved, even though the risk seemed to become greater as life moved on. It will be our life goal to offer him more love, more sacrifice, and more surrender of our will to His. No amount of money or gifts could ever compare to the laying down of our lives before the cross of our Savior. He wants our lives as worship not just our sacrifices or our presence in a pew or the songs we sing every Sunday. He wants all of us…he actually demands our life, our soul our all! It is a scary thing to surrender our lives fully. But we slowly begin to feel him offering us back a life that is far more meaningful than anything we could have conjured up on our own. I wonder if one of the keys of spiritual growth as we move forward with the Lord is surrender. Our own nature has a tendency to hold on and protect and make things secure. It seems to go against the call of God as He wants us to let go, entrust all things to him and find him as our security…He is our plan B.

“The world has yet to see what God can do with one life wholly surrendered to Him”. (D.L.Moody)

Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
Now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

You Never Know When A Balloon Is Going To Land

2010-02-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

It had been a long week of ministry with no end in sight and I still had energy and joy to keep going. I was talking on my phone in the back yard when I heard what sounded like a blow torch. My first thought was, "what is my neighbor doing over there?". I heard the noise again and I looked up and there in the sunset sky was a beautiful yellow hot air balloon. The longer I watched it the more I started laughing...the balloon kept getting closer like it was trying to land on my roof. As it hit the tree line I began realizing how low it was so I walked out to the street as a giant hot air balloon made an emergency landing on my street. Standing right there I began to laugh....it was so beautiful and yet so unexpected.

I think life brings us things sometimes that we don't expect and they can open our eyes to beauty we had been missing along the way. We think we are living life to the full until God reveals another layer of healing he wants us to walk through or another trial to endure. Sometimes God brings us to places where there are all new colors to be seen around us and we realize the life we had been living was a little colorless. That is how I feel the past weeks have been for me since meeting my Father...like my eyes have been opened to a new chapter. I guess I expected some epiphany to happen but really the week I had with Juan felt more like an act of obedience and something I knew I just had to do. It wasn't magical and it didn't seem lifechanging.

However, I can't even put into words the overall change I feel about life. It's like each day just seems to get brighter and lighter. I'm so happy about everything. Ministry doors are opening in front of me and I'm excited about this message of "Identity in Christ". I wonder deep down if this message is what my story and journey has all been about. I'm like the poster child to be talking to women about this topic...and it's deep and personal and a "still in process" kind of message. But my overall life of ministry and relationships is starting to take on a new look (but still with old flavors). Tonite I was asked to be a prayer partner at the end of our service and I got to pray with 4 girls...I knew 3 of them well and didn't really need to know how to pray. Each time I felt an almost prophetic prayer from deep within saying, "pray for them to know that Jesus is enough". I really stand in awe tonight of his blessings and his work in my life. I can say without a doubt that he is enough for me and he always will be. I think it all comes down to that core belief!
These past months have been some of the hardest of my life but seasons like this remind me of his grandeur purpose. He is crafting a work of art in each of us...a Picaso of sorts that people will brush against and stop and say, "Look at that". Everything in life right now looks brighter like I've had my eyes closed to the beauty around me.....my friends, creation, the cool air against my face. All of it pointing to my creator who is the master painter...and I am his work of art on display for the world to see.

I guess the moral of the story is that obedience to God brings blessing. We don't have to understand it or analyze it we just get to hold onto his hand and walk forward trusting that it's all leading to somewhere.
I love Chris Rice's old song "Deep Enough to Dream"

Deep enough to dream in brilliant colors
I have never seen
Deep enough to join a billion people
For a wedding feast
Deep enough to reach out and touch
The face of the One who made me
And oh, the love I feel, and oh the peace
Do I ever have to wake up...do I ever have to wake up?

Loving when it hurts! My Last Meeting with My Father.

2010-02-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

Ken Sande says that it's much harder to "make peace" than it is to "keep the peace" and it takes a lot more courage. We went into see my Father and didn't have an agenda...we sat there awkwardly talking about the funny guy in the automatic chair that kept making circles around us and making undecipherable sounds.

We took Juan through a journey of pictures of our lives from little kids up to the present. It's strange having to evaluate your life and what you would share with someone who missed out on it all. It makes you think of the things you are most proud of. I showed him pictures of me on mission trips around the world...places like China, Peru, Costa Rica, Romania. There was a picture of me completing a triathlon and playing my french horn (not at the same time:). Then the day I got accepted into Moody Bible Institute and pictures of different kids I had impacted in ministry over the years.....I wanted so deeply for him to understand the depth of joy that my heart feels from serving the Lord. I wanted him to see it and rejoice with me but as I shared I knew he couldn't. Juan looked at the pictures so intently...as if he was watching a movie of our lives. At one point he saw a picture of me in a friends wedding and stoped and said, "you look so nice there". In the moment I said "thanks" but since then that comment made me feel the deep hole I have as a woman who rarely feels her own beauty. I thought of the things I wished he would have said to me as a little girl and the way not hearing it marred my sense of worth.

We sat around for awhile and even stood in the cold while he smoked a cigarette. Smoking seemed like the best part of his day...the one thing he looked forward to in life. As we came inside we started to say good bye and I am not good with good bye's. I wanted it to be fast and to be done with it...but I knew it may be the last time I saw my Father. I looked him in the eye and said "we have to go now". (I don't think your ever ready for moments like that.) He sadly asked if he would see us again but we were unsure. I was thinking, "it really depends on how long you live". I gave him a hug and it felt more familiar to me...a little easier than the day before. He said, "I love you Caye" and it took all of me but I whispered over top of his head, very softly, "I love you too". And I meant it....I loved him because he was God's creation too.
This entire process has given me a different perspective on the cross and what it really means. Christ died for the worst of sinners...for people like my Dad. And at the foot of the cross I am standing next to him and the invitation is open to everyone. I mean, I knew this before in my head but forgiving the one's who hurt you most makes you face the reality of what Christ has done for you. How could I recieve God's forgiveness for me but when the time came to pay it forward withhold my own blessing? Jesus loves us so much that though our sin has offended him and greived him and even caused other's deep pain...yet he carried our sin and took the punishment we deserved on that cross....the ugliest sin was covered by that sacrifice and for those who truly surrender to him he can wash us white as snow. And the cross is a picture of God's justice and wrath coming to meet the love and mercy of Christ. It's like a huge collision of contradiction but it's all in God and it all beautifully makes sense.

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Another Meeting with My Father

2010-02-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

You know, there are some days when the weather really fits the way you feel emotionally. Like when it rains on the day of a funeral. Well, that's the way this day was for me. I woke up so utterly exhausted from the emotion of the week that I didn't think I had strength to face the events that would unfold...but time was running out and we had avoided seeing my father a couple days in a row. We pulled into the parking lot and just sat in park staring at the snow falling and the wind blowing it into little twisters in the air. The clouds were so dark and there was not much sun shining in my heart either. We finally got out of the car and walked into the building. We entered Juan's room and he invited me to sit on his hospital bed. There wasn't much small talk before I pulled out my big blue study Bible. It was so precious to me and was filled with my handwriting from when God's word had first started to become alive to me at age 17. I flipped to the story of the theif on the cross and read the verses. God's word was so powerful in those moments...I could feel his word filling me with peace. After reading them I pointed out how the thief knew that he deserved his punishment. He acknowledged his sin and then put his faith in the one who could save him. And Jesus saved that guy in his last hour. "Juan, it's never too late to turn your life over to him. The only reason I'm here sharing this with you is because of God's work in my life. He is the reason I have become anything. And he wants you to know him and feel his forgiveness by accepting him into your heart. I would love to get to know you more in eternity". Today it was harder to keep the tears from coming. I gave him the Bible and said, "I want you to have this. I want you to know my Savior. Will you read it?" He nodded and took the Bible from my hand and when he saw my handwriting he smiled for the first time since I met him. He didn't say anything about what I said but I knew he would treasure that book and maybe it would lead him to the one who wrote it. We made our way to the cafeteria where we tried to make small talk....he had no history, no loves, no friends, no accomplishments to share. He bragged about gambling and how he lost thousands...he talked about the surgeries leading up to losing his legs to diabetes (caused by drinking).

At one point he said, "Caye could you go get my jacket from my room?" While I was there getting his coat I took a minute. "This person is my dad." It all felt serial. I bent over and touched his pillow and tears came to my eyes. There was globs of hair there and I thought about how his body was giving out. "Hold it together Caye", I said to myself. I opened his top drawer and fumbled through his things....picked up an old watch and held it. It was safer for me to hold that watch and feel close to him than it was in his presence. I took a deep breath and brought his coat to the other room. We soon began saying good bye. This time I bent down to his wheelchair and he wrapped his arm around my waist then he leaned his head into me and started crying...A chill ran up my spine and at the same time I wanted to receive it....I wanted to stay and run all at once. His crackling voice said, "I love you Caye, I missed you so much". I knew I couldn't say I loved him but I told him I missed him too. The words "I love you?"....I needed them so long ago, years ago...but looking back I know that my heavenly Father raised me. Not having a father made me run to the Lord and he truly has filled the Father hole in my heart. He was there, he never raised his hand to slap me, or raged with a bloodcurling temper. God was a gentle Father who held me when I cried and protected me when I was scared and raised me in his love. (Jer.31:3) I thank the Lord that I was Fatherless because now I know who I am and where I belong.

My first meeting with my Father........

2010-02-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

I think it's impossible to recount all the details that have taken place over the last days. It's kind of one of those weeks like time just slows down and you walk forward into places you know your not even capable of being present in apart from the work of God. I was in awe at the way God had prepared me in previous days to face the biggest fear of my life-my Father. In my mind, he was a violent, tempered, abusive person I tip toed around as a child. I have no memories of any loving moments as father and daughter. So for me this was a process of facing the abuse and trying to forgive. I spent days in a class the week I found out where my father was being taught about helping people recover from abuse. I also was prayed for a week later by friends in my class and it was through that prayer I really felt it all go....the anger, the fear, the uncertainty.

The day I met my Father we walked into the room and I leaned over and shook his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Caye". He looked at us and said, "Oh, I thought you would still be little". We sat with him and talked awhile and at one point he said, "I was so mad at your Mom for taking you from me. But I know why she left...she left because I slapped her around". There was no remorse in his voice no apologies...."I leaned over and said, "Juan, you know she took us away because she thought it would be better for us not to grow up in that environment. I remember you getting violent with me too...Do you remember that?" He nodded and looked down. There was a sorrow in his face but it was the kind of sorrow that was more for himself...he had that same look every time I saw him. I said, "Well, you kind of messed me up inside but I want you to know, I FORGIVE YOU". I couldn't believe how easy it was...how it just rolled off my tongue and I really meant it. I felt so sturdy, so strong, so present....Juan looked down again and nodded. I reaized I was a different person than he was and I felt my heavenly father affirming me as his daughter....deep inside. I was not angry, I was not bitter, I was not afraid.........I was letting go.
He asked for a hug before we left and my brother and I walked out of the building. I felt no emotion really just a wave of release......I leaned over the car thinking I was going to toss my cookies and just then heard my phone ring. It was a friend calling to see how it went. I just know that the prayers and support of so many is what has made this possible. Thank you all.....

Flying to MIchigan

2010-01-27T07:27:00.000-08:00

So today we are flying to Michigan to meet my father. I posted something yesterday but so much has happened since then. I just knew a couple of days ago that I wanted to go with my brother whenever God led him. I know I will safe with him with me. The thought of meeting Juan is not just wierd and new but for me also very scary. So having Josh with me will help me face that fear. When Josh called yesterday and said he really thought he needed to go soon and that he didn't want to risk not meeting him I knew I needed to drop everything and go at any cost. I think the debt of this trip will pay itself off with the future healing of my heart. So we started searching for tickets for the next day. I am flying from a remote airport in Mesa with Allegient Air into Grand Rapids. I arrive in tonite at 8 pm. Josh will get in at 6ish in Detroit and then drive 2 hours to come get me. Then we drive another hour to Battle Creek. I know being there will be a flood of childhood memories....I also know God is reminding me of what he saved me from and how different my life would have been up there. We are staying with some dear friends we always called Uncle and Aunt....we still feel like kids when we talk to them.

So we won't actually see Juan till tomorrow but I wanted to share a victory in my heart. I had my first Seminary class last night with Wayne Grudem. Even though I"m excited it was the last place i wanted to be last night. But as I sat through 4 hours of theology from a master I was struck by God and his revelation of himself throughout history. After class I walked out with all 5 girls in the class of 40ish. We all were parked on the roof and ended up saying goodbye up there......a friend leans over and says, "let's all pray for Caye". They made a circle around me and we must have prayed for 20 minutes. I can't tell you the power in their prayers to soften my heart. The more they prayed for Juan the more I felt the love of God rising up for the worst of sinners. Do I really believe he saved the theif on the cross? I think I'm aware of how only God can do something like that...and for me it means letting God in me rise up to forgive my father. But the anger is just slipping away right now and I'm more just wanting to bless this man and show him Christ in me. God has made me a "trophy of his grace" and I can't wait to share it. I"m trying not to overthink but just to live in each moment. Please pray for rest....we are both exhausted as you can imagine. Also pray for Juan's heart and ours. In addition, it's snowy up there and we need safety on the roads. I love you all and wish I could call you each to share in person. Thanks for following this and for your prayers. "For I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, Jesus Christ now lives in me" Gal. 2:20

We found my biological father

2010-01-26T13:52:00.001-08:00

So I've been debating weather to share this or not but decided it's time. After 26 years we have re-connected with my biological father. He is in a nursing home in Michigan. He has lost both his legs to diabetes and has sclerosis of the liver which may be causing him to be close to the end of his life (it's hard to know the situation but we don't want to risk not meeting him). My father was abusive to me as a child so for me it's about facing my fear. My brother was only 3 and a half when we escaped the violence and started over in Florida. He needs to meet his father for other reasons and I'm praying we get to see him before he passes. It's hard to know how bad it is and the reality of the situation. All this feels overwhelming at times but has been undeniable in God's sovereignty to bring all things together in his time. I'm scared to death at times but also very certain this is what God wants. I'm praying that I can offer forgiveness to someone who probably caused the most pain in my life. But I have a heavenly father that I know loves me and has healed my wounds and my need for an earthly father's love. Offering forgiveness is an act of God and not of us and I'm praying he will see Jesus in me as I'm pretty sure he has no hope in the afterlife. Maybe God will move some mountains too. Thanks for your prayers for my brother, myself and a lost man named Juan Siller.

Christmas Report

2010-01-05T15:55:00.000-08:00

I had a great trip back to Florida. It sure was busy touching base with all of you. I had many meetings and coffee dates and saw a lot of faces at church services. My update night was a huge encouragment to my soul as everyone came just to hear about my adventures and pray for me. I shared some great conversations. God has breathed some fresh wind into my soul as I dream about the future and make plans to spend much of the summer in Eastern Europe. I had a great time catching up with family. (see recent pictures on this blog-double click to enlarge) Staying with Mom was a real treat as we saw each other everyday. Josh and I spent a day cleaning and fixing things up like good children do. Christmas day was special with the nephew opening gifts. I took a great hike that after noon just to enjoy the Florida outdoors. Josh and I went fishing and had some great talks. We even re-connected with long lost family...it's all a new adventure. It was really hard to say good bye to everyone. I think going from familiar and comfortable places to stepping out in faith is always difficult. But there is also a deep sense of worship through the tears that always comes from taking risks for the Lord. So now I'm back in Phoenix in 60 degree weather and it's beautiful out...my hair is no longer frizzy and my nose is very dry. Answering e.mail and catching up on life. May you have a blessed new year.

Just a little off!

2009-12-04T15:24:00.000-08:00

If you have a minute watch this video by John Piper. It's about how preaching today is often distracted by passing trends instead of preached in the power God designed it to be. http://ow.ly/IBVD
Ironically, I found this site after listening to a podcast by a popular preacher about how messed up "The Shack" was. He had some points I agreed with but to use the Sunday morning message to preach an agenda instead of God's word was curious to me...I wasn't sure what I thought about it....it just seemed a little off....you know like when you can tell something is not right but your not sure why. I think that the more we walk in the Spirit the more we learn to recognize things that are "just a little off". And let's face it, we live in a world where we are surrounded by "just a little off" till we have come so far from truth, morality and holiness that we can't really recognize how off we are.
I remember entering college with a bit of a cold heart toward God's word. I knew I wanted to know God but sometimes understanding his word was just too much work. I would sit down for a quiet time and not really get much out of it. So as I went into Bible school my main prayer was "God teach me to love your word". And with that simple prayer the Lord has given me not just a love for it but a need for it like I need food and water to sustain me. God's word is TRUTH. And we are lacking truth today. It get's muddled up with tolerance and fluffy "Norman Vincent Peale" kind of beauty that tricks the average searching heart into being filled up with lies that seem like truth.
I think young people today are most susceptable to it too. They grow up in a school where homosexuality is tolerated because it's the same as accepting someone wiht another ethnicity. They are surrounded by filthy language, dark music and sexual immorality left and right. And it's true for young people all around the world...even in poor countries. Our standards have changed and as young people today we need to be even more adament about knowing how to recognize a truth from a lie. We must walk in the Spirit and be alert when things seem "just a little bit off".

Dark and Twisty

2009-11-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

There are some days in this life that just don't seem to be as bright and shiny as other days. Sometimes days feel more dark and twisty than bright and shiny and sometimes I think God wants us to stay there. What if those are the places where God speaks the loudest? What if we are running from the one things that will make us whole and what if those are the places where God wants us to live on faith and not lean on our emotions.

According to Hebrews faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see"....so really it's in the moments when we feel hopeless that we are to have faith in what we hope for.....it's the times when we are uncertain of what is unseen that God calls us to stand up and believe in him and keep hoping. Not that sureness and certainty in God always makes us want to dance and smile but it does keep us rooted deep down to an anchor that does not move with the shifting sand of this life. It is a hope that is both sure and steadfast (Heb. 6:19)and a hope that rises in the darkest of circumstances. It is the kind of faith you draw from when a loved one dies or you feel like the bottom has fallen out....it is the truth that is like joy rising within us when the future is impossible to look at with hope. This joy may not lead us to laughter...it actually may be more likely to appear when tears are streaming down our faces or we are holding a friends hand from a hospital bed....or when we reach out to a friend only to find emptiness. (Ps 25:5)"guide me in your truth and teach me,for you are God my Savior,and my hope is in you all day long"

All day long my hope is in you. If our hope is in anything or anyone else we will surely be lost on our dark and twisty days but with our eyes on the Faith giver we can find joy....joy that knows God is in control for the good of those who love him (Rom.8:28).

Here's a song I've been encouraged by today.

Cover me, cover up my tears
Cover up this man who's covered up in fear
I need a peace of mind, I need a piece of you
To cover all that's gone and everything that's new
You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
You unfold me, then you hold me

Cover up my heart, cover up my soul
Cover up this world and everything I know
You cover up the sky, you cover up the sea
Cover up the mountains and every part of me
And every single breath I breathe...Cover me

You unveil me with your mercy
I want to breathe you in
You unfold me then you hold me
I want to shed this skin
You unveil me with your mercy
You unfold me, then you hold me
You unbreak me, would you take me home

Sneechy, Sneeches

2009-11-19T13:07:00.000-08:00

Last night our worship minister sat all 250 of us down (orchestra and choir) and shared this Dr. Suess story about Sneeches and how we tend to think one way is better than others, in regards to worship style. He related it back to music styles and preferences and talked about how we all have different tastes….he went to Philippians 2 about thinking of others as better than ourselves and serving them and making them better……I especially related because I’m in a 5 person horn section and am probably the worst player but they all loved having me and help me out a lot………. Anyway, thought you would enjoy this little youtube clip.

Hope your holding onto Jesus on this ride!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh1qWZWNGGE

The Gypsy's Name is "Maria"

2009-11-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

As I pulled up my chair next to the Gypsy lady I saw that she wasn't reading her notes. I wondered if they were the English ones so I offered her a Romanian version. She said no thank you and that's when I thought about the possibility that she couldn't read. I later found out that the lady they called "The Gypsy" was named Maria. She couldn't speak English but I was amazed by her desperate need for God. She had traveled many hours to our retreat. We came to learn that most of the south side of Romania is very poor and filled with many Gypsy's. (Did you know they are descended from India?) Most of them have very large families and children and struggle to put food on the table. However, Maria was not just living among them as a poor mother and wife she was also the wife of a church planter. She had a desire to minister to the women of her village and surrounding ones with the limited means she had. She was one of the recipients of the free massages one of our team members was offering. She had won this prize by randomly being given a blue ball point pen. As she came to her massage she revealed wounds on her stomach from an intensive surgery she was recovering from. You would have never known she was carrying around such physical wounds. However, it was clear she had deep wounds from the life she lives out there in her own barren land. After her massage she clutched her blue pen and asked if there was another one she could have for her daughter. This pen seemed like the biggest and best prize she had ever had. Cheryl asked her how many daughters she had and she said "5". Cheryl reached in her bag and found exactly 4 more blue pins and as she handed them to Maria you could tell she was so touched and excited to bring gifts home to her children. Maybe she was holding onto the hope that her children would rise above her to learn to read and write. As the retreat ended I packed up and went to the lobby to meet our team. I was so proud of how I had packed for a 3 day trip and fit it all in my back pack with my sneakers clipped to the front. As we left I saw Maria get up from a couch with all her possessions wrapped in a hankerchief. She had a couple of containers with liquid in it (probably for their journey) but as I said good bye to her tears began to fill my eyes. She had so little in her hands to offer the Lord and yet she was going back to impact her community with the "fish and bread" in her hands. I was challenged to think of what was in my hands...what resources has God given to me to offer him? If she had so little and she could still offer it to him....I surely had more. The words of a song came to my mind: "Maybe the last ones are the lucky ones, the ones who've got this whole thing figured out. For when they go looking for something beautiful they go looking from the inside out"....

Romania 09

2009-10-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

What an amazing trip we had. The team was a great group of talented women (and a couple of their husbands). As most of you know we went to host/run the first ever Women's Retreat for a group of women from around the country. 15 of them were pastor's wives and the rest were layleaders in their local churches. Most were from very poor means but had rich hearts and stories. One thing I noticed about them was that they were very open and honest about their emotion. I know their lives are very difficult but it seemed like they didn't wear the masks with each other like we do in the states. They openly shared their pain and imperfections in front of each other which only increased the intimacy and healing from the weekend. Before I left my room mate gave me a small, new Bible and told me to give it away to someone. I began praying that I would deeply connect with one person and know who to give it to. Early in the week our team spent a day visiting orphanages in Timasuara. We saw one place that was from the state that had 73 orphans (mostly handicapped) but hte love there was very healthy. We then went to another place taht was run by believers. It was all teenage boys and was run by a guy named Lorenzo who grew up as an orphan and now has a passion to see young men of God raised up from within. I was so touched and instantly went into youth ministry mode. Relating to these teens felt so natural for me and i just wanted to stay longer. Well, later that weekend we headed up to the mountains of Moneasa to start the retreat. None of really knew what to expect but began working with the conditions we had...setting up and preparing our workshops and worship. The first night was freezing...as I curled up wiht 4 blankets and tried to cover my head I smiled and thanked God for bringing me to this place to serve him. Throughout my next couple days I was drawn to a small group of young gals, one of which spoke perfect English and the others just wanted to interact with me. Saturday afternoon we had a block of free time and i went on a hike with this group. There was one girl I could tell was super special. Her name was Gabriella. We couldn't speak much together but we still tried and her and I ended up runnign through the forest together and taking cute pictures at pretty spots. As we walked back to the retreat I asked her friend to explain to me her family environment. Luci began telling me how Gabriella was 22 but had been raised in an orphanage since she was a baby. She was led to Christ by some American missionaries who came to help the orphanage every summer. I was so touched by Gabriella's story and also by our playful connection together. That evening Kristin Beasley talked about our worth as daughters of Christ and told the story of the 10 cow bride (I'll have to tell it to you later). But that night I was feeling so sick with a stomach ache, headache and I swear a fever....I told the Lord he had to do his work b/c I couldn't. As Kristin called me up I was very emotional as i began by asking how many women felt that special to God? There were tears in the eyes of almost every woman as i told my story of abuse, and a marred sense of beauty. I told them my name meant "Princess" and that God had showed me it was true for each of them as well. I really sensed the Spirit's power as woman after woman approached me afterward and told me that my story was their story. Gabriella was one of those woman and she came up by herself and said to me, "Me and you have same Father". She knew that i could relate to her sense of abandonment and pain. The last day I wrote her a card and gave her the little Bible....we both cried as we said good bye but I knew God had used both of us in each others lives.

Never Stop Running

2009-09-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday I was in my 5th Triathlon held in Tempe, AZ. It was a tougher course than I'm used to on the flat terrain of Florida but I had an amazing experience. I always know the run will be the toughest part-it's so mental for me and after swimming and half mile and biking 12 miles through some hills I always have to reach deep to find the determination at the run. I'm not a runner and if you know me you know I never will be. But that doesn't mean I can't run/shuffle (AKA ruffle). I've never been able do the run without stopping and as I hit mile 2 I decided to try to find a pace and stick to it...all the while I'm not really sure I can do it without stopping. So as I'm going I hear the Lord saying things like, "you can do more than you think you can". I started reflecting about the last 6 months of picking up my life as a single girl and moving to the desert to follow the call of God on my life. I thought about all the valleys God had brought me through (and there have been some deep ones). The more I shuffled along the more I realized this race was a metaphor for my life....toward the end of the run we had a steep incline and I slowly passed a few people who had stopped to walk....as I reached the top I started across this big bridge and realized I could see the finish line. I sensed God's Spirit speaking to my heart again, "I knew you could do it...I know more about you than you know about yourself".....I started to hold back my tears and then thought, "what the heck, no one is here" I spent the last quarter mile in complete worship and even sprinted across the finish line. There was no big fan club waiting for me like there is at home but I pulled away and spent a few moments in prayer and gratitude for my life and this awesome season. What a race.....I want to keep running.

2009-09-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

I think about VBC and the special family community there. I think a lot of people don’t experience those kind of relationships in their entire life………I’m trying to adjust to big church life. Community is found by attending Sunday school classes (they function like churches) and last night was my first orchestra practice with a french horn someone is letting me us...it was so cool and such a great way to meet people. You feel like you’re a part a family.

They put me in the middle of the horn section so I could hear the right notes (which really helped). Then we practiced all the songs and I held my own playing and was happy bout that. Then out comes 115 vocalists and we go through it all again………I swear I was thinking….we would only do this at Easter at VBC (maybe) and was just blown away by how worshipful it was to play a powerfully loud instrument with all these people leading a larger group of people to the throne. At one point I was watching the prompter screen and singing along and forgot I was suppose to start playing……afterwards the director had us all sit in the pews and did a devotional and then we prayed and broke up for fellowship and desert………….wow, I got to talk to so many people about our ministry and actually knew a few people too.

Sunday is my first day and we have to be there at 7.30-12 noon but it will be fun.

A trip to Daphne's

2009-09-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

If there has ever been a day where I knew I was in ministry to the King it was yesterday. I came into the office to a difficult e.mail...you know one of those e.mails that you knew you were going to have to "fix things". I had an appointment to get to across town where I was going to lead a young girl througn her first Bible Study. As I was gathering things for the meeting my cell phone rang and the minute I answered the phone I knew it would change my day. It was a dear friend very upset about her Mom, who was on her death bed. I was so overcome with her pain that it comsumed me but I also knew I had to make it across town. As I drove down Scottsdale Road I couldn't believe the news and hearthache I was hearing from my friend. It was one of those moments where you had no words to console just a shoulder to offer to lean on. I pulled into Daphne's restaurant, prayed with my friend on the phone and finished the call. Just then I realized I had forgotten the Bible Study for this meeting...I took a deep breath and felt so drained by the morning. I prayed out loud, "God, I have nothing left for this meeting but I know you want to minister to this girl today. Would you just do your thing?" I searched the car and found a track of the 4 Spiritual laws. I started the meeting sharing about my friend and how her Mom was dying but she knew where she was going when she left this world. I walked this girl through the gospel and when I got to the part about Christ covering our sin she literally said, "that's beautiful". As her eyes teared up I knew God was speaking to her and I asked her if she would like to accept the Lord into her heart. After asking a couple of questions she was ready and we held hands and said a not-so-magical prayer as God did the supernatural in her heart. I opened my eyes and said, "Happy Birthday" to her......I can't wait to meet with her next week.

When I jumped back in the car and left Daphne's Restaurant, this verse came to mind.
2Cor 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness ." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Sweetly Broken

2009-08-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

The Lord has been teaching me to let go of all the safe places that I tend to guard and protect. It's a crazy thing to look within yourself and see so much that can improve and change. And yet I know I can't do it on my own. I think our deepest longing in life is to know and be known by others. Ultimately we must do that with the Lord and he slowly teaches us how to mirror that with others. But I guess we are just all so broken and cracked that we hide behind these plastic faces...we can't trust, or be vulnerable or share our true self. Sometimes that's out of fear of not being good enough and sometimes we are afraid of being a burden. But what happened to being in each others worlds? It seems that the world tells us to grow up and be independant and to build a life that does not NEED anyone. But all the while, we are hiding the fact that we do need each other...and really, we want to need each other.

One of my favorite characters on TV is Bear Grylls from "Man vs. Wild". He told a story once of being the youngest person to reach the peak of Mt. Everest. He said he would never do it again and the biggest thing he learned was when he fell into a crevace and was saved from plummeting to his death by 2 friends he was tied into. He said, "I knew then that I needed people and that's ok". Don't we all want to be "tied into" someone when we reach our own life's crevace? Don't we want to be cared about so much that someone would care enough to reach down and risk their life to pull us out? And isn't that what Christ did for us? God teach me to love and be loved....and may I peer into you sacrifice afresh.

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled (Jeremy Riddle)

The Titus 2 Woman

2009-08-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

The Titus 2 Woman
Romanian Women’s Retreat
October 16-18, 2009
Taught By: Caye Siller

Titus 2: 3-5 (NIV):
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

As women God gives us a standard in this passage to live by.
I. A Titus 2 Woman is an example of spiritual maturity

a. Spiritually mature women are reverent. (deeply respectful)
-Reverence towards God means laying down our family and dreams to embrace His.
"Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God , because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Gen 22:12

-Reverence towards God means understanding where our beauty and worth comes from.
“Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4).

-Reverence towards God means treating others with respect and dignity

b. Spiritually mature women are not slanderers
-Are you a part of the problem or the solution?
-Accountability

c. Spiritually mature women are not addicted
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Eph 5:18
There may be pain in your life that is in need of a deeper healing. Only Christ can heal your wounds.

d. Spiritually mature women teach what is good. (of a favorable character or tendency)

-Goodness is taught best by the way we live our life. We must earn the right to teach others by first living a life that is honorable and of good character.

-Character is who you are when no one is looking
Application:
Are you living a spiritually mature life? Circle the area you could most work on.
Reverence Towards God
Laying down your desires, family, dreams
Understanding your beauty and worth comes from the Lord
Treating others with respect and dignity
Gossip
Addictions
Living a life that is worthy of being an example to younger women

We are all on a journey toward these standards God gives us as women. We will always be in a process. The important thing is that you are a woman who is trying to live spiritually mature. If that is you it may be time to begin thinking about adopting a younger woman to minister to.

II. A Titus 2 Woman is a spiritual mother to younger women.
You may be thinking that you could be ready to impact a younger woman’s life but maybe you are unsure about how you would “train” them. Praise the Lord! God gives us the exact criteria in the following passage. Consider this your training manual.
a. Train younger women to love their husbands…and to be subject to their husbands (1 Pet. 2: 1&2) (Eph. 5:21)
-The “younger woman” defined.
-The topic of submission-“man vs. woman’s role”
-Unconditional love
b. Train younger women to love (Philandros/Philos) their children
-Training younger women can simply mean becoming a spiritual mother to them.
c. Train younger women to be self-controlled (restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires) (Gal. 5:23)

d. Train younger women to be pure (free from moral fault or guilt)

e. Train younger women to be busy at home and kind
(of a sympathetic, helpful or forbearing nature)
-an atmosphere of love and safety

The Great Commission: Matt 28:16-20

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Being a Titus 2 woman is God’s design to help women fulfill the Great Commission. We are to “go and make disciples” or in the word of Titus 2, “train younger women”. Becoming a spiritual mother to a younger woman is a way of participating in God’s genius plan of multiplication.

Your life can be a movement that echoes into the lives of younger woman well beyond the time of your passing.

A Titus 2 Woman Trains Younger Women. Could there already be a younger woman in your life you could begin investing in? Could you write her name in the space below?

Nicole Nordeman “Legacy”
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Wise Quotes from Wise Folks

2009-07-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

More Famous Quotes

The Mountain Moon

2009-07-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I was driving home after home group and the full moon was sitting just behind Camelback mountain. It was lighting up the mountain like God’s spotlight….it looked a little unreal. I spent the drive home with the window down just thanking God for the evening. What a powerful night of God’s Spirit just moving mightily.

At home group it was great to see a couple new faces as we started to study the first week of 1 Timothy. It was an amazing study and really cool to see the group understand the depth of our sin and the mercy of God. When we broke up for prayer I was blown away by the vulnerability and community. We all struggle and I was so blessed by some of the girls sharing because it gave the group a chance to really serve them and encourage the places where the enemy wants to gain a stronghold. We all were on the road to Damascus when God appeared to us and turned our life around. The scales came off and we could see……And now we must live for eternal purposes. I’m so honored that God has brought me into ministry here.

An Up S-wing (lessons from a bird)

2009-07-02T15:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like you could see the love of God chasing you every where you went? I've been truly amazed at how God speaks his love into our day if we are looking for it. His love for us is measureless(Eph. 3:14-19). It's crazy to realize that even our galaxy is measurable. We know so much about so many huge things in the universe but God's love is bigger than all that...it's something we will never be able to fully understand or grasp.

The other day a beautiful hummingbird appeared outside my kitchen window. It's wings moved so fast you could only see it's green, shiny, small body and it stayed there for what seemed like a few minutes. I've never seen one in our back yard before but it was right there looking at me. I was speechless because I knew it was the Lord saying, "Yes, I'm here and I love you".

I finally feel like I'm ready to start this new journey....and it only took three months...ha,ha. If you have been reading my blog than you know I have been through some trying times. Since I've been here I've experienced death, a room mates deep grieving of a loved one, a new job and location, hundreds of new people and a sense of the waters overtaking me at times. However, I have also felt the sweetness of my Savior in new ways. Corrie Ten Boom said that, "it's hard to know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have". There have been nights here I've sat in the corner and felt like Christ was the only safe place I had and it forced me to run to him and find him waiting with open arms. He has been my counselor, guidance, friend, hope, provider, and in the words of Carmen "The Champion". And he has proven true!

Ministry is going well and I feel like I know where I am going and what I am doing a little more. I have a small group and girls there I'm focusing on investing in. I have exciting writing, missions and event projects that keep me busy through the week. God has brought me some "seasoned" people to nurture my need for parental figures. I'm starting to feel the rythm here and the heat is even not so bad. I told Mom the other day that it was 107 degrees and she said she didn't even know the thermometer went that high. It made me laugh!

Why?

2009-06-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

It is the kind of happiness that grins when things go wrond and smiles thrugh the tears. The happiness for which our souls ache is one undisturbed by success or failure, one which will root deeply inside us and give inward peace and contentment, no matter what hte surface problem may be. That kind of happiness stands in need of no outward stimulus. -Billy Graham

I wish I could explain the depths of heartache I've experienced since I've arrived here in the new mission field God has given me. I can look back now at the months before and see how God was preparing me and strengthening my resolve. But you kind of have to wonder what God is doing with it all.

I stood in our kitchen this Tuesday holding the shoulder of one of my closest new friends here as she wailed from the loss of a dear family member. It was heartbreaking to hear her pain.."Why God? Why does the sorrow of life keep coming? Why do you have to take my family away? Why so much loss? Why us?" I could almost visually see her reaching up for her faith and holding onto a small peg of hope while she was dangling from her trial. I could feel heaven rejoice though, as she spoke through her tears, "But I will hope in you, Lord". I felt my own brokeness so fresh and raw that it was easy to weep with her. And I too was tracing in my head the events of the last 3 months of my own life. I've never experienced more death, change, sorrow and uncertainty so close together. I've never felt so overcome by so many things all at once and I have to ask "why?". Why so close to my new beginning here? What is God doing....?

Don't get me wrong, I'm doing great now and even the small inconveniences feel so minor compared to the valley I've come out of. My mother said I asked so many questions as a child that she started making up answers....I think I always have been wired to need to know, "why". But God often does not provide answers for it all. He just ask's us to hold his hand and try to say, "But I will hope in you, Lord" I've been memorizing these verses and looking for his daily expressions of love....his love is deep.

Eph 3:14-19
For this reason I kneel before the Father...I pray that he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, may have power, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

There and Back again!

2009-06-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

Henri Nouwen once said, "It is a great illusions of leadership that we can lead people through the desert without having been there ourselves."

I feel like I've been through the desert. The last couple of weeks have been some of the darkest days I have had in a long time. I've experienced death and loss, made a huge life change and haven't felt like I've had a safe place anywhere in the world. I had some evenings I seriously thought about sleeping under my desk...it felt safer than any other place in my world. And the question still remains, "Is God really enough when you feel like you have nothing or no one else?"

At times I have felt like I was drowning in a sea of emotion and could not even tell you why I felt like I did. It seemed like I had one foot tied to a weight pulling me deeper and deeper into an abyss. It was real and at times it was spiritual attack. However, from this end I can tell you it was also the Lord showing me the depth of his love. You see, we can't know that depth unless we are desperately aware of our own need of it...until we come face to face with our own basic need to do everyday things. When that is not even possible apart from Christ, you start to cry out in a desperation that is different from a request from someone who has it all together. And what I found at the bottom of my metaphoric sea was that Jesus was down there with me...he felt the weight of it all with me and understands grief and stress and heartache. He even understands my heart when I have no clue what is happening inside me. He knows what I need and where it all ends up. His love for us is measureless...and I have a sweeter view of it after being on the bottom. "Not that I have laid hold of it but I press on".
I wrote this song and thought I'd share it with you.

I hear his voice as I listen to the wind blow through the pines
I hear his voice as I hear the sound of my own broken cry
I hear his voice as I struggle to know all the reasons why
I don’t know but I just feel like I could die

Where are you Lord, you feel so far away
Where are you Lord, I need your touch today
Where are you Lord, Bring me back to you my friend
Where are you Lord, Restore my heart again

I hear his voice as I’m sifting through the darkness of this space
I hear his voice as I strain to see the goodness of his grace
I hear his voice as I try to find new life in this place
When I feel like there is nothing else that’s safe

A Missionary Hero!

2009-06-01T15:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but death seems to be the theme that is keeping me in a very broken place here. The loss of a good friend seems to make every other difficult thing your going through 10 times harder than it would normally be. And I've resigned myself to feeling like I need to deal with the hard things so I can move on. Sometimes God just wants to keep us in a broken place for awhile...it's not always fun but it can be good. It can be a time to remind us that the end of us is always where God does his best work.

The Christian life is often messy, unfinished and unpredictable. To the untrained heart God often feels like he is leaving us hanging. But to the one who has learned how to listen to his music God is leading us to a place that is with Him and Him alone. We must lean into the pain and stop fighting it. We need to surrender to him our control and need for a plan and let God lead us on His journey. A mature believer can let trust in God from the past echo to hope in him for the future. God wants a surrender of control and our right to expect what is coming next.

God never promised that living the Christian life would be easy....he only said that he would never leave us or forsake us. He never said we would get everything we wanted but he promised that he would give us all that we need. He never guaranteed that he would make all the bad things go away but he did say his plans were to prosper us and not to harm us. As C.S. Lewis said of Aslan, "He is not safe but trust he is good".

Tommy was a hero to me because he lived everyday sold out and on the frontlines of tribal, evangelistic efforts to reach the unreached. He was there for me during some very formative seasons and always saw a missionary in me. He once told me to ask God EVERYDAY where he wanted to use my life. That's the way he lived and it's an inspiration to me...even during the deep sadness of his loss.

"Oh the wondrous cross, bids me come and die and find that I will truly live"

For more information copy and paste this link:
http://www.water.cc/2009/05/07/remembering-tommy/

Ripple Makers

2009-05-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

When someone you love dies, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time, like how the mail stops coming. What I remember most to this day was my mother's scent and how I hated it when it began to disappear. First from her closets, then from her dresses she had sewn herself and then finally from her bedsheets and pillow cases. (Simon Birch).

Loss and grieving seem to be something that you can't put in a box or bottle up or schedule in the palm pilot. It just hits you unexpectedly at different moments and for different reasons. One thing is for sure...it really makes you think about eternity. To know someone's reality is no longer here because it is there just makes heaven more tangable.

I really had a sweet time going to Florida for Jeff McCay's funeral. I got to see all the kids and visit with Liz one morning. They are all so strong and it blows my mind how they are now possessing the faith that Jeff had during cancer. It's hard to believe he's not on the earth anymore. But the service was incredibly worshipful and it was great to see so many people who had been touched by his life in some way.

Our lives are really like ripples you know. I don't think we get to see the effects in big tidal waves very often. Sometimes it's easy to feel like we are not making any difference at all. But the impact of one life in the waters of peoples lives creates movement like a ripple effect that continues to move forward. Jeff created ripples and inspired me (very firmly at times) to make big leaps of faith toward God's work. May we all live to be ripple makers....greatness is often found in the mundane everyday part of life.

Birthday Blog!

2009-05-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

So inquiring minds have asked how my Birthday was. It was this Thursday, May 7th and as the day approached I knew it was going to be a day I missed home. So I asked a friend to fast and pray with me the day before my birthday. My hope was that it would help me focus on the Lord and the life he has giving me. Well, I awoke at 5 am on my Birthday thinking about Jeff and the family. I couldn't sleep so I got up. I was tired most of the day but the GRM team took me to my new favorite place called "Jason's deli" for lunch. Alyssa got me carrots, socks and some cool foot cream for after workouts. Kristin got me a dolphin figurine to remind me of Florida. The day was niether great nor horrible. I was tired though and was a little homesick as I drove home and listened to the VBC youth group sing happy birthday on my voicemail. I miss the students a lot. It's funny because out here I'm starting to get a reputation of "that girl who worked in youth ministry".....As most of you know I'm not wired to spend the day in an office but right now God is establishing a relationship base that will just take time. I spend much of the day in a cubicle writing material and working on projects and missions trip plans. It won't always be like this but the people here think it's funny when I start throwing things over my cubicle (carrots, silly putty, etc.). I actually don't mind the reputation because I was brought here to reach younger women and that's what God has gifted me at. So don't worry, I'm not changing for anyone.

Anyway, I went home and checked the mail and found about 8 cards that made me so happy. I got all sorts of cards from family and friends and I think God kept us from checking the mail till that moment so it would really lift my spirit. I then went to our firs identity class called "Who do you think you are?". Kristin is teaching it and I'm absorbing it for a newer generation of delivery. It will be taught every Thursday (2hrs) once in the am and once in the pm. To my surprise they had also thrown a little party for me where they got me this tart dessert with strawberries and cookie crust and blueberries. Perfect. There was even a balloon and a gift (cool smelling lotion).

After the class I got home to find my room mates had a little party for me. They got me a cupcake and I blew it out. They got me a box full of little things I like (dried fruit, kettle corn, trail mix, face scrub,and a hiking book). I felt very loved as they prayed for me before bed. So all those who love me and wanted to know about my birthday.....just know there are people here that are loving me too........kind of a surprise, I know but it was a special day and I'm greatful for 31 years of God's grace.
Love ya,
Caye

2009-05-08T16:01:00.001-07:00

Jesus is my Friend!

2009-05-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

So I just became a fan of "Jesus" on facebook (FB). As I clicked on his face I thought...."how crazy is this?" And yet what a great reminder that 'Jesus is my friend'. And yes, I'm a fan of his but he is a much bigger fan of me. He made me and crafted me with gifts, passions and even longings that can only be fulfilled by Himself. "We love him because he first loved us". And I'm so glad he first loved me because he has drawn me into an incredible adventure in this life. He has given me the "Abundant Life" (John 10:10). And I can't imagine living without the purposes he has given me in serving him.

Up On the Mountain
This weekend I rode my bike up the steepest mountain in the area. It's called "South Mountain". It's 6 miles up and 6 straight down. Now being a Florida girl I'm not so familiar with mountains but I did do a lot of spinning and we simulated mountains. I was using parts of my bike I've never used before (like the lowest gear). The first couple miles were torture as I tried to figure out how one proceeds up a mountain on a bike. But I was so inspired by the challenge that I kept saying "Caye, you can do this". I quickly figured out that I needed to be in a low position, a low gear and I needed to keep a constant cadence in my pedal stroke. I was only going like 6 mph but I was making progress. At one point there was a little chipmunk in the road on the other lane. I had never seen a chipmunk before but I swear he was taunting me. He was hopping right next to me, in the same direction and he was going AS FAST AS I WAS. I smiled as I imagined him saying the words in a chipmunk voice, "Alvin, Simon, Theadore". It must have taken around 1 hour but as I began the ascent down I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman sing:

I said I'd go, Lord, wherever You lead
For where You are is where I most want to be
And I can tell we're headed for the valley
My faith is strengthened by all that I've seen
So Lord help me remember what You've shown me
Up on the mountain

I can't tell you the worshipful time it was cruising down mountain with those words. Of course, I was desperately clutching my brake as well:) But it was beautiful scenery that I could have only enjoyed by first going up the mountain. Sometimes it's so much harder seeing the summit on the way up. But we have to trust that God is leading us there and if we keep pedaling and hearing his voice say, "You can do it".....we will reach the top.

If your on the mountain or in the valley I hope your strengthened by knowing the Lord is with you. And where he is .... that's where we most want to be.

2009-05-02T00:38:00.001-07:00

What a great week it has been. We had a GRM retreat up at the Beasley's cabin 2 hours away. We spent a lot of time casting vision and making overall goals and plans. It's amazing to think about femaile leaders in other countries and what they may need. We want to know the final product of where we are leading them and to see everything we do fitting into that process. Discipleship is truly a process though and in other cultures things don't always fit in our linear paradigm. We recently got to spend time with a Romanian female leader who is a point person for our next trip in October. She was so fun to be with and had such passion for the women in Arad. We are planning a women's retreat for her key women who help run Mom's groups and also a pregnancy ministry to counsel women about keeping their babies.

This weekend I am at a Josh McDowell conference at SBC (Scottsdale Bible Church). It's great stuff I know I will re-use in teaching others.

Ultimately, I have really sensed God's presence here telling me to be patient. I really can't force things or rush them. And in the absence of deeper community I am being forced to the foot of the cross and Christ is more than enough for me....everyday and every minute. I can see his hand calling me to write about discipleship and so I'm developing a training class that I may someday get to teach to other women about relating to the younger generation.

I have really enjoyed the outdoors here. Biking, hiking, rollerblading, and swimming at Cactus pool for only $2 a session. The air is dry and cool right now and when your working out you feel like you can go so much harder without the humidity.....I have to drink a lot though so I've ripped out my camel pack....I guess I am part camel now.

I visited a church last weekend called SunValley and it was amazing. It is a 35 minute drive but it may be worth it to get involved there.

I am truly greatful to be on this journey and know that he is growing in me more to use for his Kingdom.....may i be faithful to his call.

2009-04-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

My pastor from back home wrote an e.mail today telling me that this bamboo shoot I gave him from my office happened to be sprouting all over the place. That would not be a big deal to blog about except this thing has never grown since I've had it. I watered it and then it would just stay the same. So you can imagine what I thought when I heard it was sprouting way back in Venice during my first week of work here at GRM. Could it be that it's God's way of encouraging me that there is all sorts of new growth happening for Caye Siller? I also thought of that plant in the movie E.T. and how it was connected to the life of ET. I hope that gives you a good laugh. I don't think that bamboo shoot is connected to me but it sure is true that there is all sorts of new life for me right now.

Cool God Story:
I was asked to lead a devotional for our Board Meeting today. I talked about “Chasing the Son!” and the concidence of my theme song being about the death of Christ (Yes, I will” was on my farewell order)…..Well here I am chasing the Sun to AZ and my first week of work happens to be the Passion week before Easter. Talk about weird? So then well into the meeting I give an update on my support. The book keeper here re-did my entire support needs and made all these fancy total boxes. Turns out my math was off (big surprise). Based on my needs in the budget I was only short 133.58 in order to be at 100%. Now that really is a small amount considering I thought I needed around $2000 more. I saw it as God’s provision though and as I was sharing one of our board members asked why there was still $133.58 left? I said, well I still need that much but it really was a blip compared to $30,000 that God has provided. We all laughed and in the laughter I said, “But hey, if anyone wants to make a contribution to make me 100% feel free!”. That same lady chimed in and said, “I think I will, Caye”. Of course my heart, was so greatful as she whipped out her checkbook in the middle of the board meeting and gave me the final amount. I later found out that this same week the VCS 3rd grade class also raised around $200 from a bake sale. Thank you guys! So here I am “Chasing the Son” and he has truly met all my needs.

Update from Phoenix

2009-04-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

I feel like it's been a month since I left Florida but it's only been a week. One of those weeks where every day feels like it's own chapter, ya know? We traveled through to Baton Rouge the first day then to Ozoma Texas the next. The last day was only suppose to take 8 hours but the winds were really strong and took my topper and kept pushing the car around. We could only go about 65 most of the way....it took 15hours. After unpacking a couple of days Mom and I took a trip to Sadona. It reminded me of the Grand Canyon and was very beautiful. (If you double click onthe pics to the left you will get re-directed to my picasa album with comments on the pics.) After Mom left on Monday it really sunk in that I was here and very far from my comfort zone. I decided the best thing to do was to get busy with ministry. Today is my second day here in the Greater Reach office. I have loved being here and getting organized. Today Kristin Beasley and I went to lunch and just caught up. I was able to share some personal concerns with her that I would only trust with someone I knew well. So far there is much being discussed and worked on. The big one has been getting my support checks coming in. (I've saved it all till I was able to start). The book keeper here re-did the entire spreadsheet of my support and found that my numbers were a little off. I AM ACTUALLY 99.9% RAISED IN MY SUPPORT! Can you believe it? All my needs are met and I'm stoked. Praise God and thank you.

Some future events on my calender:
Thursday: Board meeting (this is where big decisions are approved)
Sunday: Spend Easter at the Beasleys
April 20-25: Attend a professional fund-raising school for promoting the ministry and my personal skills.
April 23: Spend 2 days with our contact from Romania planning our trip in October.
April 27-29: GRM Team Retreat to talk about big ideas in a cool mountain cabin
May 7th: My Birthday....I just added that for posterity

The Big Move

2009-03-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share last minute details with you. I’m leaving for Phoenix this Monday (March 30th) to begin my missionary journey. The time has finally come and I am so ready. It has been an emotional week of saying good byes. I think one of the hardest things will be making new friends who know me inside and out. It’s hard to start over in that way but I think it will also come with huge blessings.

I want to thank all those who have encouraged and supported me during this fundraising season. I’m at about 94% raised which is great for what I need right now.

A really amazing story for you:
I went to get my oil changed for the 33 hour trip to Phoenix (we are taking hotels in the nights-don’t worry).

But I found out that I had to get new brakes put on the front of my car. It was about $200. As you know moving your life is not cheap and I’m working within a budget. When I found out I prayed about it and actually surrendered it to the Lord. There was a moment of victory where I really felt God saying, “I really am going to provide for ALL your needs. Do you believe me?”. I really did believe and trust and went in this morning and dropped off my car. When I came back to pick it up I laid the money down on the counter and Jim Masella pushed it back to me and said, “someone came in and anonymously paid your bill”. I was in awe of God and a little speechless. I said thanks and got back in my car. As I drove off a song was playing these words, “Greater things are yet to come”. I had to pull over as I was overcome with worship of God and how I felt him saying, “this is just the tip of the iceburg for you”. He is our safe place and he trully is my best friend and security.

Please pray that I hold onto him when it gets hard in these next few weeks. Also, pray for safety and a smooth trip (i.e. we don’t get lost, the topper stays on and nothing breaks:).

2009-03-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Psalms 131:2
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

My soul truly is quieted within me. The Lord has been so clearly granting me strength. He is giving me courage in the midst of fear and faith to press forward. So the time has arrived to pack up and ship off. I spent the day today packing up my room and taping up the last stack of boxes to ship. I think the hardest part is saying good bye to friends and family. But I know God will provide once I get out there. We leave on March 30th for the three day trip across country. Please pray for Mom's health, for the car to hold up and for us to worship him in the process. I really appreciate your prayers.

A Faith Builder

2009-02-07T08:31:00.000-08:00

Support is going well. I have almost $27,000 and the goal is around 37,000. However, I’ve proposed to lower it by taking off some ministry funds just so I can get out there and build a new support system. So I’m at around 75% but if these changes are approved I could be close to 85%.

This week has been very busy. I met with one family Monday (who committed 15 per month) and Tuesday was a real challenge. I met with friends I hadn’t seen in 8 years. I thought they were thriving in their faith. I arrived to realize they have denied their faith and it was a long night of conversation about the inerrency of the Bible. I have felt a little drained.

While driving to the church today to copy some DVD’s I was praying, “God, this really is ministry what I’m doing but I often feel like I’m not seeing the results from your hand….show me what you can do. I feel like I can try and work but unless it’s your power nothing will happen.”

Then, I walk in the door of the church and bump into someone I’ve been trying to contact. I said, “I’d love to meet with you and your wife and share about GRM”. He said, let me save you a trip. He basically said he believed in my life and wanted to invest in me. He just came to me (I didn’t do anything) and he said he wanted to give $1000 in the first year. “Would that help you?”, he said.

Wow. Is God amazing or what? I had to just laugh a little at myself and my tendency to think I can do this alone.

Just thought I’d let you know what was happening and a cool story that grew my faith. Keep praying. Prayer is truly my lifeline these days as I know it moves the heart of God. I want to not just “knock and let the door be opened”…..I want to pound the door down in repitition and let God “pour out so much blessing that I will not have room enough for it (Mal.3:11).

Facebook

2009-01-25T21:25:00.000-08:00

My Farewell

2009-01-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

What an incredible evening. It is always a little awkward thinking of people telling you how much they appreciate you. But last night was a little glimpse of heaven for me. I don’t know how many were there but it filled the sanctuary. They surprised me by inviting our old worship minister(John is now my brothers father-in-law) to come lead worship with our new worship minister (that I recently helped find)….When our church split I had a dream one night that our entire church was together again in that room being led in worship by John.……I had forgotten about it till that moment and felt like it was a fulfillment of that dream. I was overflowing in praise as the church sang together the words: “Every blessing you pour out, I’ll turn back to praise”. I truly want God's blessings to be turned back into worship for his Kingdom.

The testimonies were amazing….one of the most encouraging parts was that I felt like some people and parents articulated a glimpse of what I’ve been striving for through the discipleship relationships God has given me. If others could see that and pass it on it really could change the world…..

It was also incredibly humbling to hear how God has used me to touch people's lives in ways I never really knew.

They played pictures to a few songs….one being “Goldie’s last day” by PFR (Goldie is my official first name). And I received a book of encouragment notes that I will treasure. Over a period of two days God raised over $1700 in gifts from others. Friends here are struggling from the economy but that is not our enemy. Our enemy this year is the "Great Serpent" and he does not want us to believe God can do big things. The battle is already won!

Anyway, my family was there….my brother cried and my mom's presence was special and even a little funny……..I felt like Kristin and Fred Beasley (new ministry partners) got to see and feel and understand me at a whole new level…..as well as VBC understanding them and the GRM mission.

At the end of the night they presented me with a new guitar (mine had been broken from ministry a few months ago). I just about lost it as I looked at this instrument. Despite being humbled, I felt like the old guitar was sacrificed on the alter of service and that this new shiny one represented a whole new chapter…..it’s an Ibanez with all the additions…..Wow! Today I took a pick and played the song: "Never Underestimate My Jesus" by Relient K. It filled me with faith and this guitar will always be a reminder of the love of my VBC family.

Thanks for your support. If you couldn’t be there, your absence was felt but I wanted to fill you in on a special evening. What an honor to serve our King!

Pinnacle Peak, AZ

2008-11-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,
Today is my last day here in Phoenix and it's been a truly amazing experience this week. Yesterday we went on a 4 mile hike up and down, side to side…….on Pinnacle peak. My legs hurt today ….this Florida girl ain’t used to mountains. But it was beautiful and breathtaking and for the first time I can see myself out here in the dessert. I think I’m starting to love it. Not only that, but since I’ve been here I’ve been writing and visioneering about all that lies ahead. We have been talking a lot about all the energy moving for this first book on women’s identity. Dr. Beasley is making more progress than ever now that she is teaching it and her podcast’s are available on the GRM website. The second book may possibly be about “the younger woman in the 21st century church”. OMG…..that just really excites me. Today was our board meeting where I brought up some personal questions and the board was very helpful. We also have a lot going on already.
The girl I’ve been staying with (Alyssa Spitale) is on staff at GRM and has been showing me the cool stuff of Phoenix an introducing me to friends her age. I met my room mate Anna who is really easy going and sweet. I can see it being easy to live together. I have pictures coming for you to see the hike and the new home I’ll live in…….
Anyways, at the end of the night of meeting Anna she suggested that we all pray together. So all 4 of us got on our knees spontaneously and held hands. I think I was in tears before they started praying for me. Here I was in this foreign place, in my future home with my future room mate praying with 4 single, godly girls all in their 30’s……God’s provisions are overwhelming! They prayed in power and the Spirit was just there (even though Obama had just been elected PresidentJ

Last night Alyssa and I went to coffee and had so much fun playing in Claire's with all the Holloween stuff. There are so many places here to just go and hang out for free and be social…….

So anyway, thanks for all your prayers because I can really feel God’s affirmation taking away any fear in this next step……

It's All For Him

2008-10-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

Prayer reminds us that our need of Christ is not partial-but total!

So I woke up at 5:30 am this Sunday and just knew I needed to be with the Lord. I spent time in the word and journaling and then arrived very early (while it was still dark) to the church to play my guitar in worship and prayer to God. I felt my view of him increasing as I sang and felt him saying, "ask me". With a doubtful heart I said, "God, I know you are able to care for my needs and it would be really amazing if you could provide as much this week as you did last week?" And friends, before the sun set he had almost done it. Then today I opened an envelope that was from a friend who has been giving me small checks when she can. It had $300 in it. That means in two days from the time I "asked God" he has almost doubled my request. And all of it was nothing that I did and everything God did.

Captured by the face of Christ all else falls to the wayside.....

My heart is so fastened to this world and money often sinks it's teeth and control into our lives. It taints every good motive and every desire. It keeps us from depending on God because we think we have earned it ourselves. I think that if we have food, clothes and shelter we are rich in the world's standards. Anything else is "extra's". So I've asked God to help me see every single thing in my life as his direct provision. I have a ways to go but I know it's why God has me standing here.

"People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction." (1 Tim.6:9)

God's Economy is not in crisis!

2008-10-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was quite a day. I'm not sure what prompted my anxiety but I woke up feeling panic. The economy is hurting and I'm fundraising and I don't have a job on January first. It all just felt a little overwhelming and my thought felt like this: "Oh my gosh, what have I done?" I started thinking I needed a back up plan and began visualizing myself getting a job as a Barrista at Starbucks:) Throughout the day I would check my e.mail and cell phone only to realize that I kept missing contact with a friend that is local. She was hunting me down but I kept missing her. I met with a staff member here at VBC and left our meeting a little more discouraged. I left the office in the rain and felt the Lord asking: "What has changed? I haven't changed....have you? I am your back up plan!" On my way to Albertsons I finally got a moment to call back my friend and these were her words: "God is blessing us and we sent a check to GRM today to double our contribution to you". I almost dropped my phone. God was just testing me again and reminding me of his provision for me. Not only that, but he knew my thought from the beginning of the day and like my friend who was hunting me down, God was persuing my heart....calling me and just trying to break through the panic. He knows the good news at the end of the story and he wants me to trust him!

Fundraising Status

2008-10-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

Just to give you an update this is where I am with funds.
Total Needed: $43,101
Total Raised: $16,652
Deficit: $26,449

The goal is for me to be at 85% ($36,000) by the time I leave Venice. I'm hoping that can be around February but it's always up in the air. Please keep praying for my faith to be in God's economy and not the world's.

The Valley of the Sun

2008-09-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

So on my recent trip to Phoenix I asked why people there refer to it as the "valley". I guess I didn't know that it's nick name was "The Valley of the Sun" because it sits relatively low and flat to the surrounding mountain ranges. It's beautiful to see the sun setting against the mountain silhouettes.

My trip was amazing and a huge answer to prayer. I have found a place to rent from a young girl my age who is a believer. She owns a house in Scottsdale and is leaving for a year to do missions in Mexico with TEAM. So many affirmations in our time together made it apparent that this was God's plan for both of us. So now I can check "housing" off the list of things to line up.

I also got to meet with the founder of Arab Women Today. She was a joy to spend 48 hours with and answered so many questions I had about women in the Arab world. Their website is so informative for those of you who would like to learn more visit: http://awtministries.com/english/main.php

It's so hard for me to keep in step with God and not get ahead. My heart is becoming more and more attached to what God is doing through GRM and it feels like living in two world's right now. Please pray that God helps me finish well here at VBC. There are great things happening here and I'm praying for people to rise up that I've invested in for years.

I also was able to meet with the GRM board and connect with some key people there. They are so excited to have me stepping in soon and I felt very valued during that time. Praise God for providing the ability to take this trip. It was his perfect time and he is doing so much for me that I could never accomplish on my own. "Praise God from whom all blessings flow!"

"Caedmon Call" Must Read My Blog

2008-09-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

As most of you know God has really given me a theme in this season of life. The idea that God is in my boat has been the source of much intimacy in my walk with God. Well, I was listening to some music tonite and these words seemed to go along with that theme. Maybe they will minister to you as well.

"You've been lost in the wind, And the rain of a storm at sea
The waves crashing over your back, And you're crying out for me
But as the ocean rages "I am sleeping in the boat"
But I have a plan and I'm holding your hand, And I'm keeping you afloat
I'm never gonna let go...My love for you is always true,
I'm never gonna lose heart', Cause I'm holding on tight to you
Should the cruel wind chill your soul, When the world seems out of control
I'm never gonna let go of you!"

Album: Back Home

I'm visting Phoenix

2008-09-07T15:22:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's true. Next Thursday I leave for a 4 day trip to Scottsdale (God provided funds to go, so I'm going last minute). I will be meeting a missionary that I will connect with in the Middle East. I will call her Ruth and she is a national from Amman, Jordan. I'm excited about this time with her and to dream about an extended trip next year to Jordan.

Also, there are some awesome possibilities with my housing arrangments. This is a huge answer to prayer as I'm still praying in faith to leave Florida with GRM in January 09.

Also, praise God that my support is now at 38% and rising! God has done a whole lot all at once. His still small voice just keeps saying, "My child, why do you even worry? Remember, I'm in your boat." I feel him slowly building my faith inches at a time....but it's a sweet place to be!

News From Dr. Kristin Beasley

2008-09-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from Dr. Beasley's newsletter)
Introducing Caye Siller
Mission Accomplished
New Director of Ministry Development
"As you look at either the blog or website you will see the name of Caye Siller. We are delighted that Caye has said "yes" and is busy raising the necessary financial support to join Greater Reach Ministries, even as I write this letter. God put us together a few years ago when I attended a conference for ministry leaders being held in the Chicago area and she ended up being my roommate. We hit it off instantly, and have since that time become friends, and soon will be ministry partners.

Caye's life mission is to disciple women. She has a big heart for women, a spirit of adventure and loves to travel. Plus, she is pursuing graduate education, a fact that is near and dear to my heart, since I have had a passion for education most of my adult life. She is currently serving on staff as Children's and Women's Associate Minister in Venice Bible Church, Venice, Florida (where she has been "holed up" due to the hurricane).
When she reaches her support level, she will be moving out to Arizona to begin her new ministry with us. I want you to know her, pray for her, and love her!"

Venice Triathlon 8-31-08

2008-09-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

I came in first in the overall Athena division. It was my fourth Sprint Triathlon. We swam 1/4 mile against the current. Then biked into Hurricane Gustav wind for 8 miles and ran a 5K. My times were decent but it was a lot of fun.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me — the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." (Acts 20:24)

From Protest to Praise

2008-08-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

Support raising has been a little discouraging lately. That always seems to be coupled with a certain sense that I must not be doing enough. Things seem to run in cycles and I either have a ton to do, or nothing at all. Last weekend I placed about 10 calls to share about GRM with people, and as of yesterday had not heard from anyone. So I did all I knew how to…Pray! I got alone with the Lord and actually wrote a chorus to the Hymn "Immortal, Invisible, God only Wise!" The chorus was simple but from my heart..... "I praise you, I praise you this day; I praise you....Lord show me the way".

Later that night I visited with a dear friend who is struggling to battle cancer. I was shocked by how sick he was, but in the moment felt such grace to listen and encourage him and his wife. With some hesitancy I shared how I often think of him in my quiet times. In no way am I dying or facing death, but in many ways I feel a moment by moment panic and fear in my heart. It seems to be my own will protesting the fact that I have no control over my circumstances but only have the choice to rely on God and cry out for his help. My friend was so gracious to invite me into that place with him without feeling my comments trite or insensitive. They said that I was "like family to them" and that they always saw me in missions.

So I picked up my guitar and began playing this hymn for them.

"Unresting, Unhasting, and silent as light, Nor wanting, nor wasting, thou rulest in might;

Thy justice like mountains high soaring above, Thy clouds, which are fountains of goodness and love."

I felt a wave of God's Spirit rush over me and got choked up. I came to this place to encourage my brother and was being ministered to deeply myself. We were all in this bedroom singing to a God that we were desperate for, asking Him for Faith and Courage to walk on water in order to be in His presence. I was also amazed by something else......his wife continued to sing when I couldn't and her voice was powerfully singing this chorus I had written like she knew it already......it was like the Spirit had given her my song and I was humbled in that moment that she was singing it to me and her husband as well. Wow!

I'm not sure why, but there is something about living in desperate places that allows you to see a brighter glimpse of God. Anyway, the next day I began receiving gifts. I'm constantly aware that these gifts are always the voice of God speaking profoundly into my heart. This time He was saying, "look to me and be desperate for my help and find your blessing by giving to others". So today my heart has moved from Protest to Praise!!

Meeting Scheduled

2008-08-25T08:10:00.001-07:00

I spoke with Dr. Beasley last week on the day of the "hurricane hunker down". I will be having a conference call with the board next week (Sept.4th). Here is my agenda.
1. Mission Trip Idea (our church’s part in Georgia and extending legth of Middle East trip)
2. Best time for a trip to Phoenix: September 12th Arab Women today
Check it out at www.awt.com
3. Fundraising receipt process (monthly? Account number for GRM)
4. Salary (am I under budgeted?)
5. The Shpiel/summary sheet (how my home mtg's work)
6. Blog
7. Ideas about housing: keep eye out for temporary housing
Pray for this meeting to go well.
Pray for God to direct me to the right people and that those I persue will call me back!
I'm also starting to persue area church's. Dr. Beasley and I are speaking every other week so that is getting me excited!

It's all about him!

2008-08-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

Isa 64:4 "No eye has seen any God besides you,who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." I had two meetings with families last week to give my official presentation (a.k.a. "The Shpiel") about GRM. I left both meetings feeling discouraged...there is a constant self analysis in fund raising that makes me second guess my delivery. "Did I do enough? Did I say the right things? Did I pray enough? Was I listening to the Spirit to see where people are connecting with this ministry? Did I close with a challenge?" Anyways, I'm learning a lot about all this and I do truly believe that I'm calling people to Kingdom work by supporting. However, God loves to use my desperation these days to push me to him and I'm growing so much in that area. The next morning I was reminded in time with the Lord that this is all about him and not about Caye and how good she is. In reality, I'm a weak vessel but I know he wants to shine in my weakest moments. I recieved a call that morning from a lady in our church. "Do you know who I am?", she said. "I know your name but am unsure of your face". She went on to tell me how she knew me in High School and has followed my journey. She said she had a small gift for me to pick up. (I was thinking it would be $20, which is still thoughtful.) I stopped by and she wanted to hear about GRM. As I began to share I realized it was my first time sharing without my laptop guiding me. She had such a heart for the Muslim world and I began listening to where God was connecting her heart with mine. We spent an hour just sharing and at the end she handed me an envelope. As I drove away I opened it and there was almost $200. I began crying because God had just used this lady to whisper his thoughts: "It's not about you, Caye. It's about me....keep holding my hand and keep listening to my voice....your on the right path"

Don't you get it? I'm sleeping in your boat!

2008-08-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Lessons on Faith (Mk 4:35-41 )
So often I forget where my faith is supposed to rest. I place my faith in what I can hold and clutch and control with my own hands. I place my faith in bailing bowls (like the disciples in the storm) and I toil and strive to keep my ship afloat on my own strength. I often invite God in on MY terms and give him my small mechanism’s and solutions and then ask him to start bailing with me. I can picture Jesus waking up and wiping the sleep from his eyes and with a grin rising to his feet. I can feel him touching his hand to my shoulder and saying, Quiet, Be Still. As if he is saying to me, “Don’t you get it?”. Your ship can’t sink. This boat and all that is in it are in my command and if I’m in your boat you need not worry. Put down your futile little bailing bowl and hold my hand. I’m in your boat, I’m right here…put your faith in me and all will be still!

My First GRM Blog

2008-08-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to report that I have raised 30% of my support and am still on schedule to be leaving for Phoenix in January. Thanks for taking this journey with me. Your support means more than you know!